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1I lay in that separate building across the courtyard. It was the first time I had ever lain down to rest in Satis House,
2and sleep refused to come near me. A thousand Miss Havishams haunted me. She was on this side of my pillow, on that, at
3the head of the bed, at the foot, behind the half-opened door of the dressing-room, in the dressing-room, in the room
4overhead, in the room beneath,--everywhere. At last, when the night was slow to creep on towards two o'clock, I felt
5that I absolutely could no longer bear the place as a place to lie down in, and that I must get up. I therefore got up
6and put on my clothes, and went out across the yard into the long stone passage, designing to gain the outer courtyard
7and walk there for the relief of my mind. But I was no sooner in the passage than I extinguished my candle; for I saw
8Miss Havisham going along it in a ghostly manner, making a low cry. I followed her at a distance, and saw her go up the
9staircase. She carried a bare candle in her hand, which she had probably taken from one of the sconces in her own room,
10and was a most unearthly object by its light. Standing at the bottom of the staircase, I felt the mildewed air of the
11feast-chamber, without seeing her open the door, and I heard her walking there, and so across into her own room, and so
12across again into that, never ceasing the low cry. After a time, I tried in the dark both to get out, and to go back,
13but I could do neither until some streaks of day strayed in and showed me where to lay my hands. During the whole
14interval, whenever I went to the bottom of the staircase, I heard her footstep, saw her light pass above, and heard her
15ceaseless low cry. Before we left next day, there was no revival of the difference between her and Estella, nor was it
16ever revived on any similar occasion; and there were four similar occasions, to the best of my remembrance. Nor, did
17Miss Havisham's manner towards Estella in anywise change, except that I believed it to have something like fear infused
18among its former characteristics. It is impossible to turn this leaf of my life, without putting Bentley Drummle's name
19upon it; or I would, very gladly. On a certain occasion when the Finches were assembled in force, and when good feeling
20was being promoted in the usual manner by nobody's agreeing with anybody else, the presiding Finch called the Grove to
21order, forasmuch as Mr. Drummle had not yet toasted a lady; which, according to the solemn constitution of the society,
22it was the brute's turn to do that day. I thought I saw him leer in an ugly way at me while the decanters were going
23round, but as there was no love lost between us, that might easily be. What was my indignant surprise when he called
24upon the company to pledge him to "Estella!" "Estella who?" said I. "Never you mind," retorted Drummle. "Estella of
25where?" said I. "You are bound to say of where." Which he was, as a Finch. "Of Richmond, gentlemen," said Drummle,
26putting me out of the question, "and a peerless beauty." Much he knew about peerless beauties, a mean, miserable idiot!
27I whispered Herbert. "I know that lady," said Herbert, across the table, when the toast had been honoured. "Do you?"
28said Drummle. "And so do I," I added, with a scarlet face. "Do you?" said Drummle. "O, Lord!" This was the only
29retort--except glass or crockery--that the heavy creature was capable of making; but, I became as highly incensed by it
30as if it had been barbed with wit, and I immediately rose in my place and said that I could not but regard it as being
31like the honourable Finch's impudence to come down to that Grove,--we always talked about coming down to that Grove, as
32a neat Parliamentary turn of expression,--down to that Grove, proposing a lady of whom he knew nothing. Mr. Drummle,
33upon this, starting up, demanded what I meant by that? Whereupon I made him the extreme reply that I believed he knew
34where I was to be found. Whether it was possible in a Christian country to get on without blood, after this, was a
35question on which the Finches were divided. The debate upon it grew so lively, indeed, that at least six more honourable
36members told six more, during the discussion, that they believed they knew where they were to be found. However, it was
37decided at last (the Grove being a Court of Honour) that if Mr. Drummle would bring never so slight a certificate from
38the lady, importing that he had the honour of her acquaintance, Mr. Pip must express his regret, as a gentleman and a
39Finch, for "having been betrayed into a warmth which." Next day was appointed for the production (lest our honour should
40take cold from delay), and next day Drummle appeared with a polite little avowal in Estella's hand, that she had had the
41honour of dancing with him several times. This left me no course but to regret that I had been "betrayed into a warmth
42which," and on the whole to repudiate, as untenable, the idea that I was to be found anywhere. Drummle and I then sat
43snorting at one another for an hour, while the Grove engaged in indiscriminate contradiction, and finally the promotion
44of good feeling was declared to have gone ahead at an amazing rate. I tell this lightly, but it was no light thing to
45me. For, I cannot adequately express what pain it gave me to think that Estella should show any favour to a
46contemptible, clumsy, sulky booby, so very far below the average. To the present moment, I believe it to have been
47referable to some pure fire of generosity and disinterestedness in my love for her, that I could not endure the thought
48of her stooping to that hound. No doubt I should have been miserable whomsoever she had favoured; but a worthier object
49would have caused me a different kind and degree of distress. It was easy for me to find out, and I did soon find out,
50that Drummle had begun to follow her closely, and that she allowed him to do it. A little while, and he was always in
51pursuit of her, and he and I crossed one another every day. He held on, in a dull persistent way, and Estella held him
52on; now with encouragement, now with discouragement, now almost flattering him, now openly despising him, now knowing
53him very well, now scarcely remembering who he was. The Spider, as Mr. Jaggers had called him, was used to lying in
54wait, however, and had the patience of his tribe. Added to that, he had a blockhead confidence in his money and in his
55family greatness, which sometimes did him good service,--almost taking the place of concentration and determined
56purpose. So, the Spider, doggedly watching Estella, outwatched many brighter insects, and would often uncoil himself and
57drop at the right nick of time. At a certain Assembly Ball at Richmond (there used to be Assembly Balls at most places
58then), where Estella had outshone all other beauties, this blundering Drummle so hung about her, and with so much
59toleration on her part, that I resolved to speak to her concerning him. I took the next opportunity; which was when she
60was waiting for Mrs. Blandley to take her home, and was sitting apart among some flowers, ready to go. I was with her,
61for I almost always accompanied them to and from such places. "Are you tired, Estella?" "Rather, Pip." "You should be."
62"Say rather, I should not be; for I have my letter to Satis House to write, before I go to sleep." "Recounting
63to-night's triumph?" said I. "Surely a very poor one, Estella." "What do you mean? I didn't know there had been any."
64"Estella," said I, "do look at that fellow in the corner yonder, who is looking over here at us." "Why should I look at
65him?" returned Estella, with her eyes on me instead. "What is there in that fellow in the corner yonder,--to use your
66words,--that I need look at?" "Indeed, that is the very question I want to ask you," said I. "For he has been hovering
67about you all night." "Moths, and all sorts of ugly creatures," replied Estella, with a glance towards him, "hover about
68a lighted candle. Can the candle help it?" "No," I returned; "but cannot the Estella help it?" "Well!" said she,
69laughing, after a moment, "perhaps. Yes. Anything you like."
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