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1"Why, what is the matter?" cried I. "Who is coward now? Wake up! That is the glass--the mirror, Mrs. Linton; and you see
2yourself in it, and there am I too by your side." Trembling and bewildered, she held me fast, but the horror gradually
3passed from her countenance; its paleness gave place to a glow of shame. "Oh, dear! I thought I was at home," she
4sighed. "I thought I was lying in my chamber at Wuthering Heights. Because I'm weak, my brain got confused, and I
5screamed unconsciously. Don't say anything; but stay with me. I dread sleeping: my dreams appal me." "A sound sleep
6would do you good, ma'am," I answered: "and I hope this suffering will prevent your trying starving again." "Oh, if I
7were but in my own bed in the old house!" she went on bitterly, wringing her hands. "And that wind sounding in the firs
8by the lattice. Do let me feel it--it comes straight down the moor--do let me have one breath!" To pacify her I held the
9casement ajar a few seconds. A cold blast rushed through; I closed it, and returned to my post. She lay still now, her
10face bathed in tears. Exhaustion of body had entirely subdued her spirit: our fiery Catherine was no better than a
11wailing child. "How long is it since I shut myself in here?" she asked, suddenly reviving. "It was Monday evening," I
12replied, "and this is Thursday night, or rather Friday morning, at present." "What! of the same week?" she exclaimed.
13"Only that brief time?" "Long enough to live on nothing but cold water and ill-temper," observed I. "Well, it seems a
14weary number of hours," she muttered doubtfully: "it must be more. I remember being in the parlour after they had
15quarrelled, and Edgar being cruelly provoking, and me running into this room desperate. As soon as ever I had barred the
16door, utter blackness overwhelmed me, and I fell on the floor. I couldn't explain to Edgar how certain I felt of having
17a fit, or going raging mad, if he persisted in teasing me! I had no command of tongue, or brain, and he did not guess my
18agony, perhaps: it barely left me sense to try to escape from him and his voice. Before I recovered sufficiently to see
19and hear, it began to be dawn, and, Nelly, I'll tell you what I thought, and what has kept recurring and recurring till
20I feared for my reason. I thought as I lay there, with my head against that table leg, and my eyes dimly discerning the
21grey square of the window, that I was enclosed in the oak-panelled bed at home; and my heart ached with some great grief
22which, just waking, I could not recollect. I pondered, and worried myself to discover what it could be, and, most
23strangely, the whole last seven years of my life grew a blank! I did not recall that they had been at all. I was a
24child; my father was just buried, and my misery arose from the separation that Hindley had ordered between me and
25Heathcliff. I was laid alone, for the first time; and, rousing from a dismal doze after a night of weeping, I lifted my
26hand to push the panels aside: it struck the table-top! I swept it along the carpet, and then memory burst in: my late
27anguish was swallowed in a paroxysm of despair. I cannot say why I felt so wildly wretched: it must have been temporary
28derangement; for there is scarcely cause. But, supposing at twelve years old I had been wrenched from the Heights, and
29every early association, and my all in all, as Heathcliff was at that time, and been converted at a stroke into Mrs.
30Linton, the lady of Thrushcross Grange, and the wife of a stranger: an exile, and outcast, thenceforth, from what had
31been my world. You may fancy a glimpse of the abyss where I grovelled! Shake your head as you will, Nelly, you have
32helped to unsettle me! You should have spoken to Edgar, indeed you should, and compelled him to leave me quiet! Oh, I'm
33burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free; and laughing at
34injuries, not maddening under them! Why am I so changed? why does my blood rush into a hell of tumult at a few words?
35I'm sure I should be myself were I once among the heather on those hills. Open the window again wide: fasten it open!
36Quick, why don't you move?" "Because I won't give you your death of cold," I answered. "You won't give me a chance of
37life, you mean," she said sullenly. "However, I'm not helpless yet; I'll open it myself." And sliding from the bed
38before I could hinder her, she crossed the room, walking very uncertainly, threw it back, and bent out, careless of the
39frosty air that cut about her shoulders as keen as a knife. I entreated, and finally attempted to force her to retire.
40But I soon found her delirious strength much surpassed mine (she was delirious, I became convinced by her subsequent
41actions and ravings). There was no moon, and everything beneath lay in misty darkness: not a light gleamed from any
42house, far or near; all had been extinguished long ago: and those at Wuthering Heights were never visible--still she
43asserted she caught their shining. "Look!" she cried eagerly, "that's my room with the candle in it, and the trees
44swaying before it; and the other candle is in Joseph's garret. Joseph sits up late, doesn't he? He's waiting till I come
45home that he may lock the gate. Well, he'll wait a while yet. It's a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it; and we
46must pass by Gimmerton Kirk to go that journey! We've braved its ghosts often together, and dared each other to stand
47among the graves and ask them to come. But, Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I'll keep you.
48I'll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won't rest
49till you are with me. I never will!" She paused, and resumed with a strange smile. "He's considering--he'd rather I'd
50come to him! Find a way, then! not through that kirkyard. You are slow! Be content, you always followed me!" Perceiving
51it vain to argue against her insanity, I was planning how I could reach something to wrap about her, without quitting my
52hold of herself (for I could not trust her alone by the gaping lattice), when, to my consternation, I heard the rattle
53of the door-handle, and Mr. Linton entered. He had only then come from the library; and, in passing through the lobby,
54had noticed our talking and been attracted by curiosity, or fear, to examine what it signified, at that late hour. "Oh,
55sir!" I cried, checking the exclamation risen to his lips at the sight which met him, and the bleak atmosphere of the
56chamber. "My poor mistress is ill, and she quite masters me: I cannot manage her at all; pray, come and persuade her to
57go to bed. Forget your anger, for she's hard to guide any way but her own." "Catherine ill?" he said, hastening to us.
58"Shut the window, Ellen! Catherine! why--" He was silent. The haggardness of Mrs. Linton's appearance smote him
59speechless, and he could only glance from her to me in horrified astonishment. "She's been fretting here," I continued,
60"and eating scarcely anything, and never complaining: she would admit none of us till this evening, and so we couldn't
61inform you of her state, as we were not aware of it ourselves; but it is nothing." I felt I uttered my explanations
62awkwardly; the master frowned. "It is nothing, is it, Ellen Dean?" he said sternly. "You shall account more clearly for
63keeping me ignorant of this!" And he took his wife in his arms, and looked at her with anguish. At first she gave him no
64glance of recognition: he was invisible to her abstracted gaze. The delirium was not fixed, however; having weaned her
65eyes from contemplating the outer darkness, by degrees she centred her attention on him, and discovered who it was that
66held her.
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