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1"Yes, yes, you are right," said he; "I have plenty of faults of my own: I know it, and I don't wish to palliate them, I
2assure you. God wot I need not be too severe about others; I have a past existence, a series of deeds, a colour of life
3to contemplate within my own breast, which might well call my sneers and censures from my neighbours to myself. I
4started, or rather (for like other defaulters, I like to lay half the blame on ill fortune and adverse circumstances)
5was thrust on to a wrong tack at the age of one-and-twenty, and have never recovered the right course since: but I might
6have been very different; I might have been as good as you--wiser--almost as stainless. I envy you your peace of mind,
7your clean conscience, your unpolluted memory. Little girl, a memory without blot or contamination must be an exquisite
8treasure--an inexhaustible source of pure refreshment: is it not?" "How was your memory when you were eighteen, sir?"
9"All right then; limpid, salubrious: no gush of bilge water had turned it to fetid puddle. I was your equal at
10eighteen--quite your equal. Nature meant me to be, on the whole, a good man, Miss Eyre; one of the better kind, and you
11see I am not so. You would say you don't see it; at least I flatter myself I read as much in your eye (beware,
12by-the-bye, what you express with that organ; I am quick at interpreting its language). Then take my word for it,--I am
13not a villain: you are not to suppose that--not to attribute to me any such bad eminence; but, owing, I verily believe,
14rather to circumstances than to my natural bent, I am a trite commonplace sinner, hackneyed in all the poor petty
15dissipations with which the rich and worthless try to put on life. Do you wonder that I avow this to you? Know, that in
16the course of your future life you will often find yourself elected the involuntary confidant of your acquaintances'
17secrets: people will instinctively find out, as I have done, that it is not your forte to tell of yourself, but to
18listen while others talk of themselves; they will feel, too, that you listen with no malevolent scorn of their
19indiscretion, but with a kind of innate sympathy; not the less comforting and encouraging because it is very unobtrusive
20in its manifestations." "How do you know?--how can you guess all this, sir?" "I know it well; therefore I proceed almost
21as freely as if I were writing my thoughts in a diary. You would say, I should have been superior to circumstances; so I
22should--so I should; but you see I was not. When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool: I turned
23desperate; then I degenerated. Now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry, I cannot
24flatter myself that I am better than he: I am forced to confess that he and I are on a level. I wish I had stood
25firm--God knows I do! Dread remorse when you are tempted to err, Miss Eyre; remorse is the poison of life." "Repentance
26is said to be its cure, sir." "It is not its cure. Reformation may be its cure; and I could reform--I have strength yet
27for that--if--but where is the use of thinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, since happiness is
28irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life: and I will get it, cost what it may." "Then you will
29degenerate still more, sir." "Possibly: yet why should I, if I can get sweet, fresh pleasure? And I may get it as sweet
30and fresh as the wild honey the bee gathers on the moor." "It will sting--it will taste bitter, sir." "How do you
31know?--you never tried it. How very serious--how very solemn you look: and you are as ignorant of the matter as this
32cameo head" (taking one from the mantelpiece). "You have no right to preach to me, you neophyte, that have not passed
33the porch of life, and are absolutely unacquainted with its mysteries." "I only remind you of your own words, sir: you
34said error brought remorse, and you pronounced remorse the poison of existence." "And who talks of error now? I scarcely
35think the notion that flittered across my brain was an error. I believe it was an inspiration rather than a temptation:
36it was very genial, very soothing--I know that. Here it comes again! It is no devil, I assure you; or if it be, it has
37put on the robes of an angel of light. I think I must admit so fair a guest when it asks entrance to my heart."
38"Distrust it, sir; it is not a true angel." "Once more, how do you know? By what instinct do you pretend to distinguish
39between a fallen seraph of the abyss and a messenger from the eternal throne--between a guide and a seducer?" "I judged
40by your countenance, sir, which was troubled when you said the suggestion had returned upon you. I feel sure it will
41work you more misery if you listen to it." "Not at all--it bears the most gracious message in the world: for the rest,
42you are not my conscience-keeper, so don't make yourself uneasy. Here, come in, bonny wanderer!" He said this as if he
43spoke to a vision, viewless to any eye but his own; then, folding his arms, which he had half extended, on his chest, he
44seemed to enclose in their embrace the invisible being. "Now," he continued, again addressing me, "I have received the
45pilgrim--a disguised deity, as I verily believe. Already it has done me good: my heart was a sort of charnel; it will
46now be a shrine." "To speak truth, sir, I don't understand you at all: I cannot keep up the conversation, because it has
47got out of my depth. Only one thing, I know: you said you were not as good as you should like to be, and that you
48regretted your own imperfection;--one thing I can comprehend: you intimated that to have a sullied memory was a
49perpetual bane. It seems to me, that if you tried hard, you would in time find it possible to become what you yourself
50would approve; and that if from this day you began with resolution to correct your thoughts and actions, you would in a
51few years have laid up a new and stainless store of recollections, to which you might revert with pleasure." "Justly
52thought; rightly said, Miss Eyre; and, at this moment, I am paving hell with energy." "Sir?" "I am laying down good
53intentions, which I believe durable as flint. Certainly, my associates and pursuits shall be other than they have been."
54"And better?" "And better--so much better as pure ore is than foul dross. You seem to doubt me; I don't doubt myself: I
55know what my aim is, what my motives are; and at this moment I pass a law, unalterable as that of the Medes and
56Persians, that both are right." "They cannot be, sir, if they require a new statute to legalise them." "They are, Miss
57Eyre, though they absolutely require a new statute: unheard-of combinations of circumstances demand unheard-of rules."
58"That sounds a dangerous maxim, sir; because one can see at once that it is liable to abuse." "Sententious sage! so it
59is: but I swear by my household gods not to abuse it." "You are human and fallible." "I am: so are you--what then?" "The
60human and fallible should not arrogate a power with which the divine and perfect alone can be safely intrusted." "What
61power?" "That of saying of any strange, unsanctioned line of action,--'Let it be right.'" "'Let it be right'--the very
62words: you have pronounced them." "May it be right then," I said, as I rose, deeming it useless to continue a discourse
63which was all darkness to me; and, besides, sensible that the character of my interlocutor was beyond my penetration; at
64least, beyond its present reach; and feeling the uncertainty, the vague sense of insecurity, which accompanies a
65conviction of ignorance. "Where are you going?" "To put Adèle to bed: it is past her bedtime." "You are afraid of me,
66because I talk like a Sphynx." "Your language is enigmatical, sir: but though I am bewildered, I am certainly not
67afraid." "You are afraid--your self-love dreads a blunder." "In that sense I do feel apprehensive--I have no wish to
68talk nonsense."
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