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1Mr. Rochester had given me but one week's leave of absence: yet a month elapsed before I quitted Gateshead. I wished to
2leave immediately after the funeral, but Georgiana entreated me to stay till she could get off to London, whither she
3was now at last invited by her uncle, Mr. Gibson, who had come down to direct his sister's interment and settle the
4family affairs. Georgiana said she dreaded being left alone with Eliza; from her she got neither sympathy in her
5dejection, support in her fears, nor aid in her preparations; so I bore with her feeble-minded wailings and selfish
6lamentations as well as I could, and did my best in sewing for her and packing her dresses. It is true, that while I
7worked, she would idle; and I thought to myself, "If you and I were destined to live always together, cousin, we would
8commence matters on a different footing. I should not settle tamely down into being the forbearing party; I should
9assign you your share of labour, and compel you to accomplish it, or else it should be left undone: I should insist,
10also, on your keeping some of those drawling, half-insincere complaints hushed in your own breast. It is only because
11our connection happens to be very transitory, and comes at a peculiarly mournful season, that I consent thus to render
12it so patient and compliant on my part." At last I saw Georgiana off; but now it was Eliza's turn to request me to stay
13another week. Her plans required all her time and attention, she said; she was about to depart for some unknown bourne;
14and all day long she stayed in her own room, her door bolted within, filling trunks, emptying drawers, burning papers,
15and holding no communication with any one. She wished me to look after the house, to see callers, and answer notes of
16condolence. One morning she told me I was at liberty. "And," she added, "I am obliged to you for your valuable services
17and discreet conduct! There is some difference between living with such an one as you and with Georgiana: you perform
18your own part in life and burden no one. To-morrow," she continued, "I set out for the Continent. I shall take up my
19abode in a religious house near Lisle--a nunnery you would call it; there I shall be quiet and unmolested. I shall
20devote myself for a time to the examination of the Roman Catholic dogmas, and to a careful study of the workings of
21their system: if I find it to be, as I half suspect it is, the one best calculated to ensure the doing of all things
22decently and in order, I shall embrace the tenets of Rome and probably take the veil." I neither expressed surprise at
23this resolution nor attempted to dissuade her from it. "The vocation will fit you to a hair," I thought: "much good may
24it do you!" When we parted, she said: "Good-bye, cousin Jane Eyre; I wish you well: you have some sense." I then
25returned: "You are not without sense, cousin Eliza; but what you have, I suppose, in another year will be walled up
26alive in a French convent. However, it is not my business, and so it suits you, I don't much care." "You are in the
27right," said she; and with these words we each went our separate way. As I shall not have occasion to refer either to
28her or her sister again, I may as well mention here, that Georgiana made an advantageous match with a wealthy worn-out
29man of fashion, and that Eliza actually took the veil, and is at this day superior of the convent where she passed the
30period of her novitiate, and which she endowed with her fortune. How people feel when they are returning home from an
31absence, long or short, I did not know: I had never experienced the sensation. I had known what it was to come back to
32Gateshead when a child after a long walk, to be scolded for looking cold or gloomy; and later, what it was to come back
33from church to Lowood, to long for a plenteous meal and a good fire, and to be unable to get either. Neither of these
34returnings was very pleasant or desirable: no magnet drew me to a given point, increasing in its strength of attraction
35the nearer I came. The return to Thornfield was yet to be tried. My journey seemed tedious--very tedious: fifty miles
36one day, a night spent at an inn; fifty miles the next day. During the first twelve hours I thought of Mrs. Reed in her
37last moments; I saw her disfigured and discoloured face, and heard her strangely altered voice. I mused on the funeral
38day, the coffin, the hearse, the black train of tenants and servants--few was the number of relatives--the gaping vault,
39the silent church, the solemn service. Then I thought of Eliza and Georgiana; I beheld one the cynosure of a ball-room,
40the other the inmate of a convent cell; and I dwelt on and analysed their separate peculiarities of person and
41character. The evening arrival at the great town of ---- scattered these thoughts; night gave them quite another turn:
42laid down on my traveller's bed, I left reminiscence for anticipation. I was going back to Thornfield: but how long was
43I to stay there? Not long; of that I was sure. I had heard from Mrs. Fairfax in the interim of my absence: the party at
44the hall was dispersed; Mr. Rochester had left for London three weeks ago, but he was then expected to return in a
45fortnight. Mrs. Fairfax surmised that he was gone to make arrangements for his wedding, as he had talked of purchasing a
46new carriage: she said the idea of his marrying Miss Ingram still seemed strange to her; but from what everybody said,
47and from what she had herself seen, she could no longer doubt that the event would shortly take place. "You would be
48strangely incredulous if you did doubt it," was my mental comment. "I don't doubt it." The question followed, "Where was
49I to go?" I dreamt of Miss Ingram all the night: in a vivid morning dream I saw her closing the gates of Thornfield
50against me and pointing me out another road; and Mr. Rochester looked on with his arms folded--smiling sardonically, as
51it seemed, at both her and me. I had not notified to Mrs. Fairfax the exact day of my return; for I did not wish either
52car or carriage to meet me at Millcote. I proposed to walk the distance quietly by myself; and very quietly, after
53leaving my box in the ostler's care, did I slip away from the George Inn, about six o'clock of a June evening, and take
54the old road to Thornfield: a road which lay chiefly through fields, and was now little frequented. It was not a bright
55or splendid summer evening, though fair and soft: the haymakers were at work all along the road; and the sky, though far
56from cloudless, was such as promised well for the future: its blue--where blue was visible--was mild and settled, and
57its cloud strata high and thin. The west, too, was warm: no watery gleam chilled it--it seemed as if there was a fire
58lit, an altar burning behind its screen of marbled vapour, and out of apertures shone a golden redness. I felt glad as
59the road shortened before me: so glad that I stopped once to ask myself what that joy meant: and to remind reason that
60it was not to my home I was going, or to a permanent resting-place, or to a place where fond friends looked out for me
61and waited my arrival. "Mrs. Fairfax will smile you a calm welcome, to be sure," said I; "and little Adèle will clap her
62hands and jump to see you: but you know very well you are thinking of another than they, and that he is not thinking of
63you." But what is so headstrong as youth? What so blind as inexperience? These affirmed that it was pleasure enough to
64have the privilege of again looking on Mr. Rochester, whether he looked on me or not; and they added--"Hasten! hasten!
65be with him while you may: but a few more days or weeks, at most, and you are parted from him for ever!" And then I
66strangled a new-born agony--a deformed thing which I could not persuade myself to own and rear--and ran on.
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