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1He duly summoned me to his presence in the evening. I had prepared an occupation for him; for I was determined not to
2spend the whole time in a tête-à-tête conversation. I remembered his fine voice; I knew he liked to sing--good singers
3generally do. I was no vocalist myself, and, in his fastidious judgment, no musician, either; but I delighted in
4listening when the performance was good. No sooner had twilight, that hour of romance, began to lower her blue and
5starry banner over the lattice, than I rose, opened the piano, and entreated him, for the love of heaven, to give me a
6song. He said I was a capricious witch, and that he would rather sing another time; but I averred that no time was like
7the present. "Did I like his voice?" he asked. "Very much." I was not fond of pampering that susceptible vanity of his;
8but for once, and from motives of expediency, I would e'en soothe and stimulate it. "Then, Jane, you must play the
9accompaniment." "Very well, sir, I will try." I did try, but was presently swept off the stool and denominated "a little
10bungler." Being pushed unceremoniously to one side--which was precisely what I wished--he usurped my place, and
11proceeded to accompany himself: for he could play as well as sing. I hied me to the window-recess. And while I sat there
12and looked out on the still trees and dim lawn, to a sweet air was sung in mellow tones the following strain:-- "The
13truest love that ever heart Felt at its kindled core, Did through each vein, in quickened start, The tide of being pour.
14Her coming was my hope each day, Her parting was my pain; The chance that did her steps delay Was ice in every vein. I
15dreamed it would be nameless bliss, As I loved, loved to be; And to this object did I press As blind as eagerly. But
16wide as pathless was the space That lay our lives between, And dangerous as the foamy race Of ocean-surges green. And
17haunted as a robber-path Through wilderness or wood; For Might and Right, and Woe and Wrath, Between our spirits stood.
18I dangers dared; I hindrance scorned; I omens did defy: Whatever menaced, harassed, warned, I passed impetuous by. On
19sped my rainbow, fast as light; I flew as in a dream; For glorious rose upon my sight That child of Shower and Gleam.
20Still bright on clouds of suffering dim Shines that soft, solemn joy; Nor care I now, how dense and grim Disasters
21gather nigh. I care not in this moment sweet, Though all I have rushed o'er Should come on pinion, strong and fleet,
22Proclaiming vengeance sore: Though haughty Hate should strike me down, Right, bar approach to me, And grinding Might,
23with furious frown, Swear endless enmity. My love has placed her little hand With noble faith in mine, And vowed that
24wedlock's sacred band Our nature shall entwine. My love has sworn, with sealing kiss, With me to live--to die; I have at
25last my nameless bliss. As I love--loved am I!" He rose and came towards me, and I saw his face all kindled, and his
26full falcon-eye flashing, and tenderness and passion in every lineament. I quailed momentarily--then I rallied. Soft
27scene, daring demonstration, I would not have; and I stood in peril of both: a weapon of defence must be prepared--I
28whetted my tongue: as he reached me, I asked with asperity, "whom he was going to marry now?" "That was a strange
29question to be put by his darling Jane." "Indeed! I considered it a very natural and necessary one: he had talked of his
30future wife dying with him. What did he mean by such a pagan idea? I had no intention of dying with him--he might depend
31on that." "Oh, all he longed, all he prayed for, was that I might live with him! Death was not for such as I." "Indeed
32it was: I had as good a right to die when my time came as he had: but I should bide that time, and not be hurried away
33in a suttee." "Would I forgive him for the selfish idea, and prove my pardon by a reconciling kiss?" "No: I would rather
34be excused." Here I heard myself apostrophised as a "hard little thing;" and it was added, "any other woman would have
35been melted to marrow at hearing such stanzas crooned in her praise." I assured him I was naturally hard--very flinty,
36and that he would often find me so; and that, moreover, I was determined to show him divers rugged points in my
37character before the ensuing four weeks elapsed: he should know fully what sort of a bargain he had made, while there
38was yet time to rescind it. "Would I be quiet and talk rationally?" "I would be quiet if he liked, and as to talking
39rationally, I flattered myself I was doing that now." He fretted, pished, and pshawed. "Very good," I thought; "you may
40fume and fidget as you please: but this is the best plan to pursue with you, I am certain. I like you more than I can
41say; but I'll not sink into a bathos of sentiment: and with this needle of repartee I'll keep you from the edge of the
42gulf too; and, moreover, maintain by its pungent aid that distance between you and myself most conducive to our real
43mutual advantage." From less to more, I worked him up to considerable irritation; then, after he had retired, in
44dudgeon, quite to the other end of the room, I got up, and saying, "I wish you good-night, sir," in my natural and
45wonted respectful manner, I slipped out by the side-door and got away. The system thus entered on, I pursued during the
46whole season of probation; and with the best success. He was kept, to be sure, rather cross and crusty; but on the whole
47I could see he was excellently entertained, and that a lamb-like submission and turtle-dove sensibility, while fostering
48his despotism more, would have pleased his judgment, satisfied his common-sense, and even suited his taste less. In
49other people's presence I was, as formerly, deferential and quiet; any other line of conduct being uncalled for: it was
50only in the evening conferences I thus thwarted and afflicted him. He continued to send for me punctually the moment the
51clock struck seven; though when I appeared before him now, he had no such honeyed terms as "love" and "darling" on his
52lips: the best words at my service were "provoking puppet," "malicious elf," "sprite," "changeling," &c. For caresses,
53too, I now got grimaces; for a pressure of the hand, a pinch on the arm; for a kiss on the cheek, a severe tweak of the
54ear. It was all right: at present I decidedly preferred these fierce favours to anything more tender. Mrs. Fairfax, I
55saw, approved me: her anxiety on my account vanished; therefore I was certain I did well. Meantime, Mr. Rochester
56affirmed I was wearing him to skin and bone, and threatened awful vengeance for my present conduct at some period fast
57coming. I laughed in my sleeve at his menaces. "I can keep you in reasonable check now," I reflected; "and I don't doubt
58to be able to do it hereafter: if one expedient loses its virtue, another must be devised." Yet after all my task was
59not an easy one; often I would rather have pleased than teased him. My future husband was becoming to me my whole world;
60and more than the world: almost my hope of heaven. He stood between me and every thought of religion, as an eclipse
61intervenes between man and the broad sun. I could not, in those days, see God for His creature: of whom I had made an
62idol.
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