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1Some two months before the murder of Sir Danvers, I had been out for one of my adventures, had returned at a late hour,
2and woke the next day in bed with somewhat odd sensations. It was in vain I looked about me; in vain I saw the decent
3furniture and tall proportions of my room in the square; in vain that I recognised the pattern of the bed curtains and
4the design of the mahogany frame; something still kept insisting that I was not where I was, that I had not wakened
5where I seemed to be, but in the little room in Soho where I was accustomed to sleep in the body of Edward Hyde. I
6smiled to myself, and in my psychological way, began lazily to inquire into the elements of this illusion, occasionally,
7even as I did so, dropping back into a comfortable morning doze. I was still so engaged when, in one of my more wakeful
8moments, my eyes fell upon my hand. Now the hand of Henry Jekyll (as you have often remarked) was professional in shape
9and size; it was large, firm, white and comely. But the hand which I now saw, clearly enough, in the yellow light of a
10mid-London morning, lying half shut on the bedclothes, was lean, corded, knuckly, of a dusky pallor and thickly shaded
11with a swart growth of hair. It was the hand of Edward Hyde. I must have stared upon it for near half a minute, sunk as
12I was in the mere stupidity of wonder, before terror woke up in my breast as sudden and startling as the crash of
13cymbals; and bounding from my bed I rushed to the mirror. At the sight that met my eyes, my blood was changed into
14something exquisitely thin and icy. Yes, I had gone to bed Henry Jekyll, I had awakened Edward Hyde. How was this to be
15explained? I asked myself; and then, with another bound of terror--how was it to be remedied? It was well on in the
16morning; the servants were up; all my drugs were in the cabinet--a long journey down two pair of stairs, through the
17back passage, across the open court and through the anatomical theatre, from where I was then standing horror-struck. It
18might indeed be possible to cover my face; but of what use was that, when I was unable to conceal the alteration in my
19stature? And then with an overpowering sweetness of relief, it came back upon my mind that the servants were already
20used to the coming and going of my second self. I had soon dressed, as well as I was able, in clothes of my own size:
21had soon passed through the house, where Bradshaw stared and drew back at seeing Mr. Hyde at such an hour and in such a
22strange array; and ten minutes later, Dr. Jekyll had returned to his own shape and was sitting down, with a darkened
23brow, to make a feint of breakfasting. Small indeed was my appetite. This inexplicable incident, this reversal of my
24previous experience, seemed, like the Babylonian finger on the wall, to be spelling out the letters of my judgment; and
25I began to reflect more seriously than ever before on the issues and possibilities of my double existence. That part of
26me which I had the power of projecting, had lately been much exercised and nourished; it had seemed to me of late as
27though the body of Edward Hyde had grown in stature, as though (when I wore that form) I were conscious of a more
28generous tide of blood; and I began to spy a danger that, if this were much prolonged, the balance of my nature might be
29permanently overthrown, the power of voluntary change be forfeited, and the character of Edward Hyde become irrevocably
30mine. The power of the drug had not been always equally displayed. Once, very early in my career, it had totally failed
31me; since then I had been obliged on more than one occasion to double, and once, with infinite risk of death, to treble
32the amount; and these rare uncertainties had cast hitherto the sole shadow on my contentment. Now, however, and in the
33light of that morning's accident, I was led to remark that whereas, in the beginning, the difficulty had been to throw
34off the body of Jekyll, it had of late gradually but decidedly transferred itself to the other side. All things
35therefore seemed to point to this; that I was slowly losing hold of my original and better self, and becoming slowly
36incorporated with my second and worse. Between these two, I now felt I had to choose. My two natures had memory in
37common, but all other faculties were most unequally shared between them. Jekyll (who was composite) now with the most
38sensitive apprehensions, now with a greedy gusto, projected and shared in the pleasures and adventures of Hyde; but Hyde
39was indifferent to Jekyll, or but remembered him as the mountain bandit remembers the cavern in which he conceals
40himself from pursuit. Jekyll had more than a father's interest; Hyde had more than a son's indifference. To cast in my
41lot with Jekyll, was to die to those appetites which I had long secretly indulged and had of late begun to pamper. To
42cast it in with Hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and forever, despised
43and friendless. The bargain might appear unequal; but there was still another consideration in the scales; for while
44Jekyll would suffer smartingly in the fires of abstinence, Hyde would be not even conscious of all that he had lost.
45Strange as my circumstances were, the terms of this debate are as old and commonplace as man; much the same inducements
46and alarms cast the die for any tempted and trembling sinner; and it fell out with me, as it falls with so vast a
47majority of my fellows, that I chose the better part and was found wanting in the strength to keep to it. Yes, I
48preferred the elderly and discontented doctor, surrounded by friends and cherishing honest hopes; and bade a resolute
49farewell to the liberty, the comparative youth, the light step, leaping impulses and secret pleasures, that I had
50enjoyed in the disguise of Hyde. I made this choice perhaps with some unconscious reservation, for I neither gave up the
51house in Soho, nor destroyed the clothes of Edward Hyde, which still lay ready in my cabinet. For two months, however, I
52was true to my determination; for two months, I led a life of such severity as I had never before attained to, and
53enjoyed the compensations of an approving conscience. But time began at last to obliterate the freshness of my alarm;
54the praises of conscience began to grow into a thing of course; I began to be tortured with throes and longings, as of
55Hyde struggling after freedom; and at last, in an hour of moral weakness, I once again compounded and swallowed the
56transforming draught. I do not suppose that, when a drunkard reasons with himself upon his vice, he is once out of five
57hundred times affected by the dangers that he runs through his brutish, physical insensibility; neither had I, long as I
58had considered my position, made enough allowance for the complete moral insensibility and insensate readiness to evil,
59which were the leading characters of Edward Hyde. Yet it was by these that I was punished. My devil had been long caged,
60he came out roaring. I was conscious, even when I took the draught, of a more unbridled, a more furious propensity to
61ill. It must have been this, I suppose, that stirred in my soul that tempest of impatience with which I listened to the
62civilities of my unhappy victim; I declare, at least, before God, no man morally sane could have been guilty of that
63crime upon so pitiful a provocation; and that I struck in no more reasonable spirit than that in which a sick child may
64break a plaything. But I had voluntarily stripped myself of all those balancing instincts by which even the worst of us
65continues to walk with some degree of steadiness among temptations; and in my case, to be tempted, however slightly, was
66to fall.
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