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1A Modest Proposal For preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or
2country, and for making them beneficial to the publick. by Dr. Jonathan Swift It is a melancholy object to those, who
3walk through this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabbin-doors crowded
4with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger
5for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their
6time in stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of
7work, or leave their dear native country, to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes. I
8think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels
9of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom, a very great
10additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound
11and useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his statue set up for a
12preserver of the nation. But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed
13beggars: it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born of
14parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand our charity in the streets. As to my own part,
15having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our
16projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam,
17may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other nourishment: at most not above the value of two
18shillings, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is
19exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their
20parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute
21to the feeding, and partly to the clothing of many thousands. There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme,
22that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children,
23alas! too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expence than the shame,
24which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast. The number of souls in this kingdom being usually
25reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple, whose wives are
26breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able to maintain their own children, (although I
27apprehend there cannot be so many under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this being granted, there will remain
28a hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who miscarry, or whose
29children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remain a hundred and twenty thousand children of poor
30parents annually born. The question therefore is, How this number shall be reared and provided for? which, as I have
31already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we
32can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; they neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate
33land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old; except where they are of
34towardly parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during which time they can however be properly
35looked upon only as probationers; as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested
36to me, that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for
37the quickest proficiency in that art. I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before twelve years old, is
38no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and
39half a crown at most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of
40nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value. I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts,
41which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. I have been assured by a very knowing American of my
42acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and
43wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasee,
44or a ragoust. I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand children,
45already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males; which is more
46than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage,
47a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the
48remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune, through the
49kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat
50for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the
51fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on
52the fourth day, especially in winter. I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in
53a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to 28 pounds. I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very
54proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the
55children. Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and
56after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolifick dyet, there are more
57children born in Roman Catholick countries about nine months after Lent, than at any other season; therefore, reckoning
58a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, is at least three
59to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of Papists
60among us. I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers,
61labourers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no
62gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four
63dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own family to dine with him. Thus
64the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings
65neat profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child. Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the
66times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for ladies, and
67summer boots for fine gentlemen. As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, in the most
68convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the
69children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
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