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1When he left me I went to my room. After a little while, not hearing any sound, I came out and went up the stone stair
2to where I could look out towards the South. There was some sense of freedom in the vast expanse, inaccessible though it
3was to me, as compared with the narrow darkness of the courtyard. Looking out on this, I felt that I was indeed in
4prison, and I seemed to want a breath of fresh air, though it were of the night. I am beginning to feel this nocturnal
5existence tell on me. It is destroying my nerve. I start at my own shadow, and am full of all sorts of horrible
6imaginings. God knows that there is ground for my terrible fear in this accursed place! I looked out over the beautiful
7expanse, bathed in soft yellow moonlight till it was almost as light as day. In the soft light the distant hills became
8melted, and the shadows in the valleys and gorges of velvety blackness. The mere beauty seemed to cheer me; there was
9peace and comfort in every breath I drew. As I leaned from the window my eye was caught by something moving a storey
10below me, and somewhat to my left, where I imagined, from the order of the rooms, that the windows of the Count's own
11room would look out. The window at which I stood was tall and deep, stone-mullioned, and though weatherworn, was still
12complete; but it was evidently many a day since the case had been there. I drew back behind the stonework, and looked
13carefully out. What I saw was the Count's head coming out from the window. I did not see the face, but I knew the man by
14the neck and the movement of his back and arms. In any case I could not mistake the hands which I had had so many
15opportunities of studying. I was at first interested and somewhat amused, for it is wonderful how small a matter will
16interest and amuse a man when he is a prisoner. But my very feelings changed to repulsion and terror when I saw the
17whole man slowly emerge from the window and begin to crawl down the castle wall over that dreadful abyss, face down with
18his cloak spreading out around him like great wings. At first I could not believe my eyes. I thought it was some trick
19of the moonlight, some weird effect of shadow; but I kept looking, and it could be no delusion. I saw the fingers and
20toes grasp the corners of the stones, worn clear of the mortar by the stress of years, and by thus using every
21projection and inequality move downwards with considerable speed, just as a lizard moves along a wall. What manner of
22man is this, or what manner of creature is it in the semblance of man? I feel the dread of this horrible place
23overpowering me; I am in fear--in awful fear--and there is no escape for me; I am encompassed about with terrors that I
24dare not think of.... 15 May.--Once more have I seen the Count go out in his lizard fashion. He moved downwards in a
25sidelong way, some hundred feet down, and a good deal to the left. He vanished into some hole or window. When his head
26had disappeared, I leaned out to try and see more, but without avail--the distance was too great to allow a proper angle
27of sight. I knew he had left the castle now, and thought to use the opportunity to explore more than I had dared to do
28as yet. I went back to the room, and taking a lamp, tried all the doors. They were all locked, as I had expected, and
29the locks were comparatively new; but I went down the stone stairs to the hall where I had entered originally. I found I
30could pull back the bolts easily enough and unhook the great chains; but the door was locked, and the key was gone! That
31key must be in the Count's room; I must watch should his door be unlocked, so that I may get it and escape. I went on to
32make a thorough examination of the various stairs and passages, and to try the doors that opened from them. One or two
33small rooms near the hall were open, but there was nothing to see in them except old furniture, dusty with age and
34moth-eaten. At last, however, I found one door at the top of the stairway which, though it seemed to be locked, gave a
35little under pressure. I tried it harder, and found that it was not really locked, but that the resistance came from the
36fact that the hinges had fallen somewhat, and the heavy door rested on the floor. Here was an opportunity which I might
37not have again, so I exerted myself, and with many efforts forced it back so that I could enter. I was now in a wing of
38the castle further to the right than the rooms I knew and a storey lower down. From the windows I could see that the
39suite of rooms lay along to the south of the castle, the windows of the end room looking out both west and south. On the
40latter side, as well as to the former, there was a great precipice. The castle was built on the corner of a great rock,
41so that on three sides it was quite impregnable, and great windows were placed here where sling, or bow, or culverin
42could not reach, and consequently light and comfort, impossible to a position which had to be guarded, were secured. To
43the west was a great valley, and then, rising far away, great jagged mountain fastnesses, rising peak on peak, the sheer
44rock studded with mountain ash and thorn, whose roots clung in cracks and crevices and crannies of the stone. This was
45evidently the portion of the castle occupied by the ladies in bygone days, for the furniture had more air of comfort
46than any I had seen. The windows were curtainless, and the yellow moonlight, flooding in through the diamond panes,
47enabled one to see even colours, whilst it softened the wealth of dust which lay over all and disguised in some measure
48the ravages of time and the moth. My lamp seemed to be of little effect in the brilliant moonlight, but I was glad to
49have it with me, for there was a dread loneliness in the place which chilled my heart and made my nerves tremble. Still,
50it was better than living alone in the rooms which I had come to hate from the presence of the Count, and after trying a
51little to school my nerves, I found a soft quietude come over me. Here I am, sitting at a little oak table where in old
52times possibly some fair lady sat to pen, with much thought and many blushes, her ill-spelt love-letter, and writing in
53my diary in shorthand all that has happened since I closed it last. It is nineteenth century up-to-date with a
54vengeance. And yet, unless my senses deceive me, the old centuries had, and have, powers of their own which mere
55"modernity" cannot kill. Later: the Morning of 16 May.--God preserve my sanity, for to this I am reduced. Safety and the
56assurance of safety are things of the past. Whilst I live on here there is but one thing to hope for, that I may not go
57mad, if, indeed, I be not mad already. If I be sane, then surely it is maddening to think that of all the foul things
58that lurk in this hateful place the Count is the least dreadful to me; that to him alone I can look for safety, even
59though this be only whilst I can serve his purpose. Great God! merciful God! Let me be calm, for out of that way lies
60madness indeed. I begin to get new lights on certain things which have puzzled me. Up to now I never quite knew what
61Shakespeare meant when he made Hamlet say:-- "My tablets! quick, my tablets! 'Tis meet that I put it down," etc., for
62now, feeling as though my own brain were unhinged or as if the shock had come which must end in its undoing, I turn to
63my diary for repose. The habit of entering accurately must help to soothe me. The Count's mysterious warning frightened
64me at the time; it frightens me more now when I think of it, for in future he has a fearful hold upon me. I shall fear
65to doubt what he may say!
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