Lao Zi once said, "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner."

People-pleasing, or seeking self-worth through others' approval, is unproductive and an exhausting way to go through life. Why do we allow what others think of us to have so much power over how we feel about ourselves? If it's true that you can't please all people all of the time, wouldn't it make sense to stop trying?

Unfortunately, sense often isn't driving our behavior. For social beings who desire love and belonging, wanting to be liked, and caring about the effect we have on others, is healthy and allows us to make connections. However, where we get into trouble is when our self-worth is dependent upon whether we win someone's approval or not.

This need to be liked can be traced back to when we were children and were completely dependent on others to take care of us: Small children are not just learning how to walk and communicate, they are also trying to learn how the world works. We learn about who we are and what is expected of us based on interactions with others, so, to a four-year-old, if Mommy or Daddy doesn't like him or her, there is the danger that they will abandon them. We need to understand that when we desperately want someone to approve of us, it's being driven by that little kid part of us that is still terrified of abandonment.

As you become more capable of providing yourself with the approval you seek, your need for external validation will start to vanish, leaving you stronger, more confident, and yes, happier in your life. Imagine how much time we lose each moment we restrain our authentic selves in an effort to be liked.

If we base our worth on the opinions of others, we cheat ourselves of the power to shape our experiences and embrace life not only for others but also for ourselves, because ultimately, there is no difference. So embrace the cliche (老话) and love yourself as it's highly doubtful that you'll regret it.