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1"There's Matthew!" said Camilla. "Never mixing with any natural ties, never coming here to see how Miss Havisham is! I
2have taken to the sofa with my staylace cut, and have lain there hours insensible, with my head over the side, and my
3hair all down, and my feet I don't know where--" ("Much higher than your head, my love," said Mr. Camilla.) "I have gone
4off into that state, hours and hours, on account of Matthew's strange and inexplicable conduct, and nobody has thanked
5me." "Really I must say I should think not!" interposed the grave lady. "You see, my dear," added Miss Sarah Pocket (a
6blandly vicious personage), "the question to put to yourself is, who did you expect to thank you, my love?" "Without
7expecting any thanks, or anything of the sort," resumed Camilla, "I have remained in that state, hours and hours, and
8Raymond is a witness of the extent to which I have choked, and what the total inefficacy of ginger has been, and I have
9been heard at the piano-forte tuner's across the street, where the poor mistaken children have even supposed it to be
10pigeons cooing at a distance,--and now to be told--" Here Camilla put her hand to her throat, and began to be quite
11chemical as to the formation of new combinations there. When this same Matthew was mentioned, Miss Havisham stopped me
12and herself, and stood looking at the speaker. This change had a great influence in bringing Camilla's chemistry to a
13sudden end. "Matthew will come and see me at last," said Miss Havisham, sternly, "when I am laid on that table. That
14will be his place,--there," striking the table with her stick, "at my head! And yours will be there! And your husband's
15there! And Sarah Pocket's there! And Georgiana's there! Now you all know where to take your stations when you come to
16feast upon me. And now go!" At the mention of each name, she had struck the table with her stick in a new place. She now
17said, "Walk me, walk me!" and we went on again. "I suppose there's nothing to be done," exclaimed Camilla, "but comply
18and depart. It's something to have seen the object of one's love and duty for even so short a time. I shall think of it
19with a melancholy satisfaction when I wake up in the night. I wish Matthew could have that comfort, but he sets it at
20defiance. I am determined not to make a display of my feelings, but it's very hard to be told one wants to feast on
21one's relations,--as if one was a Giant,--and to be told to go. The bare idea!" Mr. Camilla interposing, as Mrs. Camilla
22laid her hand upon her heaving bosom, that lady assumed an unnatural fortitude of manner which I supposed to be
23expressive of an intention to drop and choke when out of view, and kissing her hand to Miss Havisham, was escorted
24forth. Sarah Pocket and Georgiana contended who should remain last; but Sarah was too knowing to be outdone, and ambled
25round Georgiana with that artful slipperiness that the latter was obliged to take precedence. Sarah Pocket then made her
26separate effect of departing with, "Bless you, Miss Havisham dear!" and with a smile of forgiving pity on her
27walnut-shell countenance for the weaknesses of the rest. While Estella was away lighting them down, Miss Havisham still
28walked with her hand on my shoulder, but more and more slowly. At last she stopped before the fire, and said, after
29muttering and looking at it some seconds,-- "This is my birthday, Pip." I was going to wish her many happy returns, when
30she lifted her stick. "I don't suffer it to be spoken of. I don't suffer those who were here just now, or any one to
31speak of it. They come here on the day, but they dare not refer to it." Of course I made no further effort to refer to
32it. "On this day of the year, long before you were born, this heap of decay," stabbing with her crutched stick at the
33pile of cobwebs on the table, but not touching it, "was brought here. It and I have worn away together. The mice have
34gnawed at it, and sharper teeth than teeth of mice have gnawed at me." She held the head of her stick against her heart
35as she stood looking at the table; she in her once white dress, all yellow and withered; the once white cloth all yellow
36and withered; everything around in a state to crumble under a touch. "When the ruin is complete," said she, with a
37ghastly look, "and when they lay me dead, in my bride's dress on the bride's table,--which shall be done, and which will
38be the finished curse upon him,--so much the better if it is done on this day!" She stood looking at the table as if she
39stood looking at her own figure lying there. I remained quiet. Estella returned, and she too remained quiet. It seemed
40to me that we continued thus for a long time. In the heavy air of the room, and the heavy darkness that brooded in its
41remoter corners, I even had an alarming fancy that Estella and I might presently begin to decay. At length, not coming
42out of her distraught state by degrees, but in an instant, Miss Havisham said, "Let me see you two play cards; why have
43you not begun?" With that, we returned to her room, and sat down as before; I was beggared, as before; and again, as
44before, Miss Havisham watched us all the time, directed my attention to Estella's beauty, and made me notice it the more
45by trying her jewels on Estella's breast and hair. Estella, for her part, likewise treated me as before, except that she
46did not condescend to speak. When we had played some half-dozen games, a day was appointed for my return, and I was
47taken down into the yard to be fed in the former dog-like manner. There, too, I was again left to wander about as I
48liked. It is not much to the purpose whether a gate in that garden wall which I had scrambled up to peep over on the
49last occasion was, on that last occasion, open or shut. Enough that I saw no gate then, and that I saw one now. As it
50stood open, and as I knew that Estella had let the visitors out,--for she had returned with the keys in her hand,--I
51strolled into the garden, and strolled all over it. It was quite a wilderness, and there were old melon-frames and
52cucumber-frames in it, which seemed in their decline to have produced a spontaneous growth of weak attempts at pieces of
53old hats and boots, with now and then a weedy offshoot into the likeness of a battered saucepan. When I had exhausted
54the garden and a greenhouse with nothing in it but a fallen-down grape-vine and some bottles, I found myself in the
55dismal corner upon which I had looked out of the window. Never questioning for a moment that the house was now empty, I
56looked in at another window, and found myself, to my great surprise, exchanging a broad stare with a pale young
57gentleman with red eyelids and light hair. This pale young gentleman quickly disappeared, and reappeared beside me. He
58had been at his books when I had found myself staring at him, and I now saw that he was inky. "Halloa!" said he, "young
59fellow!" Halloa being a general observation which I had usually observed to be best answered by itself, I said,
60"Halloa!" politely omitting young fellow. "Who let you in?" said he. "Miss Estella." "Who gave you leave to prowl
61about?" "Miss Estella." "Come and fight," said the pale young gentleman. What could I do but follow him? I have often
62asked myself the question since; but what else could I do? His manner was so final, and I was so astonished, that I
63followed where he led, as if I had been under a spell. "Stop a minute, though," he said, wheeling round before we had
64gone many paces. "I ought to give you a reason for fighting, too. There it is!" In a most irritating manner he instantly
65slapped his hands against one another, daintily flung one of his legs up behind him, pulled my hair, slapped his hands
66again, dipped his head, and butted it into my stomach. The bull-like proceeding last mentioned, besides that it was
67unquestionably to be regarded in the light of a liberty, was particularly disagreeable just after bread and meat. I
68therefore hit out at him and was going to hit out again, when he said, "Aha! Would you?" and began dancing backwards and
69forwards in a manner quite unparalleled within my limited experience.
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