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1My mind grew very uneasy on the subject of the pale young gentleman. The more I thought of the fight, and recalled the
2pale young gentleman on his back in various stages of puffy and incrimsoned countenance, the more certain it appeared
3that something would be done to me. I felt that the pale young gentleman's blood was on my head, and that the Law would
4avenge it. Without having any definite idea of the penalties I had incurred, it was clear to me that village boys could
5not go stalking about the country, ravaging the houses of gentlefolks and pitching into the studious youth of England,
6without laying themselves open to severe punishment. For some days, I even kept close at home, and looked out at the
7kitchen door with the greatest caution and trepidation before going on an errand, lest the officers of the County Jail
8should pounce upon me. The pale young gentleman's nose had stained my trousers, and I tried to wash out that evidence of
9my guilt in the dead of night. I had cut my knuckles against the pale young gentleman's teeth, and I twisted my
10imagination into a thousand tangles, as I devised incredible ways of accounting for that damnatory circumstance when I
11should be haled before the Judges. When the day came round for my return to the scene of the deed of violence, my
12terrors reached their height. Whether myrmidons of Justice, especially sent down from London, would be lying in ambush
13behind the gate;--whether Miss Havisham, preferring to take personal vengeance for an outrage done to her house, might
14rise in those grave-clothes of hers, draw a pistol, and shoot me dead:--whether suborned boys--a numerous band of
15mercenaries--might be engaged to fall upon me in the brewery, and cuff me until I was no more;--it was high testimony to
16my confidence in the spirit of the pale young gentleman, that I never imagined him accessory to these retaliations; they
17always came into my mind as the acts of injudicious relatives of his, goaded on by the state of his visage and an
18indignant sympathy with the family features. However, go to Miss Havisham's I must, and go I did. And behold! nothing
19came of the late struggle. It was not alluded to in any way, and no pale young gentleman was to be discovered on the
20premises. I found the same gate open, and I explored the garden, and even looked in at the windows of the detached
21house; but my view was suddenly stopped by the closed shutters within, and all was lifeless. Only in the corner where
22the combat had taken place could I detect any evidence of the young gentleman's existence. There were traces of his gore
23in that spot, and I covered them with garden-mould from the eye of man. On the broad landing between Miss Havisham's own
24room and that other room in which the long table was laid out, I saw a garden-chair,--a light chair on wheels, that you
25pushed from behind. It had been placed there since my last visit, and I entered, that same day, on a regular occupation
26of pushing Miss Havisham in this chair (when she was tired of walking with her hand upon my shoulder) round her own
27room, and across the landing, and round the other room. Over and over and over again, we would make these journeys, and
28sometimes they would last as long as three hours at a stretch. I insensibly fall into a general mention of these
29journeys as numerous, because it was at once settled that I should return every alternate day at noon for these
30purposes, and because I am now going to sum up a period of at least eight or ten months. As we began to be more used to
31one another, Miss Havisham talked more to me, and asked me such questions as what had I learnt and what was I going to
32be? I told her I was going to be apprenticed to Joe, I believed; and I enlarged upon my knowing nothing and wanting to
33know everything, in the hope that she might offer some help towards that desirable end. But she did not; on the
34contrary, she seemed to prefer my being ignorant. Neither did she ever give me any money,--or anything but my daily
35dinner,--nor ever stipulate that I should be paid for my services. Estella was always about, and always let me in and
36out, but never told me I might kiss her again. Sometimes, she would coldly tolerate me; sometimes, she would condescend
37to me; sometimes, she would be quite familiar with me; sometimes, she would tell me energetically that she hated me.
38Miss Havisham would often ask me in a whisper, or when we were alone, "Does she grow prettier and prettier, Pip?" And
39when I said yes (for indeed she did), would seem to enjoy it greedily. Also, when we played at cards Miss Havisham would
40look on, with a miserly relish of Estella's moods, whatever they were. And sometimes, when her moods were so many and so
41contradictory of one another that I was puzzled what to say or do, Miss Havisham would embrace her with lavish fondness,
42murmuring something in her ear that sounded like "Break their hearts my pride and hope, break their hearts and have no
43mercy!" There was a song Joe used to hum fragments of at the forge, of which the burden was Old Clem. This was not a
44very ceremonious way of rendering homage to a patron saint, but I believe Old Clem stood in that relation towards
45smiths. It was a song that imitated the measure of beating upon iron, and was a mere lyrical excuse for the introduction
46of Old Clem's respected name. Thus, you were to hammer boys round--Old Clem! With a thump and a sound--Old Clem! Beat it
47out, beat it out--Old Clem! With a clink for the stout--Old Clem! Blow the fire, blow the fire--Old Clem! Roaring dryer,
48soaring higher--Old Clem! One day soon after the appearance of the chair, Miss Havisham suddenly saying to me, with the
49impatient movement of her fingers, "There, there, there! Sing!" I was surprised into crooning this ditty as I pushed her
50over the floor. It happened so to catch her fancy that she took it up in a low brooding voice as if she were singing in
51her sleep. After that, it became customary with us to have it as we moved about, and Estella would often join in; though
52the whole strain was so subdued, even when there were three of us, that it made less noise in the grim old house than
53the lightest breath of wind. What could I become with these surroundings? How could my character fail to be influenced
54by them? Is it to be wondered at if my thoughts were dazed, as my eyes were, when I came out into the natural light from
55the misty yellow rooms? Perhaps I might have told Joe about the pale young gentleman, if I had not previously been
56betrayed into those enormous inventions to which I had confessed. Under the circumstances, I felt that Joe could hardly
57fail to discern in the pale young gentleman, an appropriate passenger to be put into the black velvet coach; therefore,
58I said nothing of him. Besides, that shrinking from having Miss Havisham and Estella discussed, which had come upon me
59in the beginning, grew much more potent as time went on. I reposed complete confidence in no one but Biddy; but I told
60poor Biddy everything. Why it came natural to me to do so, and why Biddy had a deep concern in everything I told her, I
61did not know then, though I think I know now.
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