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1"Well?" cried my sister, addressing us both at once. "And what's happened to you? I wonder you condescend to come back
2to such poor society as this, I am sure I do!" "Miss Havisham," said Joe, with a fixed look at me, like an effort of
3remembrance, "made it wery partick'ler that we should give her--were it compliments or respects, Pip?" "Compliments," I
4said. "Which that were my own belief," answered Joe; "her compliments to Mrs. J. Gargery--" "Much good they'll do me!"
5observed my sister; but rather gratified too. "And wishing," pursued Joe, with another fixed look at me, like another
6effort of remembrance, "that the state of Miss Havisham's elth were sitch as would have--allowed, were it, Pip?" "Of her
7having the pleasure," I added. "Of ladies' company," said Joe. And drew a long breath. "Well!" cried my sister, with a
8mollified glance at Mr. Pumblechook. "She might have had the politeness to send that message at first, but it's better
9late than never. And what did she give young Rantipole here?" "She giv' him," said Joe, "nothing." Mrs. Joe was going to
10break out, but Joe went on. "What she giv'," said Joe, "she giv' to his friends. 'And by his friends,' were her
11explanation, 'I mean into the hands of his sister Mrs. J. Gargery.' Them were her words; 'Mrs. J. Gargery.' She mayn't
12have know'd," added Joe, with an appearance of reflection, "whether it were Joe, or Jorge." My sister looked at
13Pumblechook: who smoothed the elbows of his wooden arm-chair, and nodded at her and at the fire, as if he had known all
14about it beforehand. "And how much have you got?" asked my sister, laughing. Positively laughing! "What would present
15company say to ten pound?" demanded Joe. "They'd say," returned my sister, curtly, "pretty well. Not too much, but
16pretty well." "It's more than that, then," said Joe. That fearful Impostor, Pumblechook, immediately nodded, and said,
17as he rubbed the arms of his chair, "It's more than that, Mum." "Why, you don't mean to say--" began my sister. "Yes I
18do, Mum," said Pumblechook; "but wait a bit. Go on, Joseph. Good in you! Go on!" "What would present company say,"
19proceeded Joe, "to twenty pound?" "Handsome would be the word," returned my sister. "Well, then," said Joe, "It's more
20than twenty pound." That abject hypocrite, Pumblechook, nodded again, and said, with a patronizing laugh, "It's more
21than that, Mum. Good again! Follow her up, Joseph!" "Then to make an end of it," said Joe, delightedly handing the bag
22to my sister; "it's five-and-twenty pound." "It's five-and-twenty pound, Mum," echoed that basest of swindlers,
23Pumblechook, rising to shake hands with her; "and it's no more than your merits (as I said when my opinion was asked),
24and I wish you joy of the money!" If the villain had stopped here, his case would have been sufficiently awful, but he
25blackened his guilt by proceeding to take me into custody, with a right of patronage that left all his former
26criminality far behind. "Now you see, Joseph and wife," said Pumblechook, as he took me by the arm above the elbow, "I
27am one of them that always go right through with what they've begun. This boy must be bound, out of hand. That's my way.
28Bound out of hand." "Goodness knows, Uncle Pumblechook," said my sister (grasping the money), "we're deeply beholden to
29you." "Never mind me, Mum," returned that diabolical cornchandler. "A pleasure's a pleasure all the world over. But this
30boy, you know; we must have him bound. I said I'd see to it--to tell you the truth." The Justices were sitting in the
31Town Hall near at hand, and we at once went over to have me bound apprentice to Joe in the Magisterial presence. I say
32we went over, but I was pushed over by Pumblechook, exactly as if I had that moment picked a pocket or fired a rick;
33indeed, it was the general impression in Court that I had been taken red-handed; for, as Pumblechook shoved me before
34him through the crowd, I heard some people say, "What's he done?" and others, "He's a young 'un, too, but looks bad,
35don't he?" One person of mild and benevolent aspect even gave me a tract ornamented with a woodcut of a malevolent young
36man fitted up with a perfect sausage-shop of fetters, and entitled TO BE READ IN MY CELL. The Hall was a queer place, I
37thought, with higher pews in it than a church,--and with people hanging over the pews looking on,--and with mighty
38Justices (one with a powdered head) leaning back in chairs, with folded arms, or taking snuff, or going to sleep, or
39writing, or reading the newspapers,--and with some shining black portraits on the walls, which my unartistic eye
40regarded as a composition of hardbake and sticking-plaster. Here, in a corner my indentures were duly signed and
41attested, and I was "bound"; Mr. Pumblechook holding me all the while as if we had looked in on our way to the scaffold,
42to have those little preliminaries disposed of. When we had come out again, and had got rid of the boys who had been put
43into great spirits by the expectation of seeing me publicly tortured, and who were much disappointed to find that my
44friends were merely rallying round me, we went back to Pumblechook's. And there my sister became so excited by the
45twenty-five guineas, that nothing would serve her but we must have a dinner out of that windfall at the Blue Boar, and
46that Pumblechook must go over in his chaise-cart, and bring the Hubbles and Mr. Wopsle. It was agreed to be done; and a
47most melancholy day I passed. For, it inscrutably appeared to stand to reason, in the minds of the whole company, that I
48was an excrescence on the entertainment. And to make it worse, they all asked me from time to time,--in short, whenever
49they had nothing else to do,--why I didn't enjoy myself? And what could I possibly do then, but say I was enjoying
50myself,--when I wasn't! However, they were grown up and had their own way, and they made the most of it. That swindling
51Pumblechook, exalted into the beneficent contriver of the whole occasion, actually took the top of the table; and, when
52he addressed them on the subject of my being bound, and had fiendishly congratulated them on my being liable to
53imprisonment if I played at cards, drank strong liquors, kept late hours or bad company, or indulged in other vagaries
54which the form of my indentures appeared to contemplate as next to inevitable, he placed me standing on a chair beside
55him to illustrate his remarks. My only other remembrances of the great festival are, That they wouldn't let me go to
56sleep, but whenever they saw me dropping off, woke me up and told me to enjoy myself. That, rather late in the evening
57Mr. Wopsle gave us Collins's ode, and threw his bloodstained sword in thunder down, with such effect, that a waiter came
58in and said, "The Commercials underneath sent up their compliments, and it wasn't the Tumblers' Arms." That, they were
59all in excellent spirits on the road home, and sang, O Lady Fair! Mr. Wopsle taking the bass, and asserting with a
60tremendously strong voice (in reply to the inquisitive bore who leads that piece of music in a most impertinent manner,
61by wanting to know all about everybody's private affairs) that he was the man with his white locks flowing, and that he
62was upon the whole the weakest pilgrim going. Finally, I remember that when I got into my little bedroom, I was truly
63wretched, and had a strong conviction on me that I should never like Joe's trade. I had liked it once, but once was not
64now.
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