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1"When I came in, Miss Havisham, I thought there was nothing of Estella in the face or figure; but now it all settles
2down so curiously into the old--" "What? You are not going to say into the old Estella?" Miss Havisham interrupted. "She
3was proud and insulting, and you wanted to go away from her. Don't you remember?" I said confusedly that that was long
4ago, and that I knew no better then, and the like. Estella smiled with perfect composure, and said she had no doubt of
5my having been quite right, and of her having been very disagreeable. "Is he changed?" Miss Havisham asked her. "Very
6much," said Estella, looking at me. "Less coarse and common?" said Miss Havisham, playing with Estella's hair. Estella
7laughed, and looked at the shoe in her hand, and laughed again, and looked at me, and put the shoe down. She treated me
8as a boy still, but she lured me on. We sat in the dreamy room among the old strange influences which had so wrought
9upon me, and I learnt that she had but just come home from France, and that she was going to London. Proud and wilful as
10of old, she had brought those qualities into such subjection to her beauty that it was impossible and out of nature--or
11I thought so--to separate them from her beauty. Truly it was impossible to dissociate her presence from all those
12wretched hankerings after money and gentility that had disturbed my boyhood,--from all those ill-regulated aspirations
13that had first made me ashamed of home and Joe,--from all those visions that had raised her face in the glowing fire,
14struck it out of the iron on the anvil, extracted it from the darkness of night to look in at the wooden window of the
15forge, and flit away. In a word, it was impossible for me to separate her, in the past or in the present, from the
16innermost life of my life. It was settled that I should stay there all the rest of the day, and return to the hotel at
17night, and to London to-morrow. When we had conversed for a while, Miss Havisham sent us two out to walk in the
18neglected garden: on our coming in by and by, she said, I should wheel her about a little, as in times of yore. So,
19Estella and I went out into the garden by the gate through which I had strayed to my encounter with the pale young
20gentleman, now Herbert; I, trembling in spirit and worshipping the very hem of her dress; she, quite composed and most
21decidedly not worshipping the hem of mine. As we drew near to the place of encounter, she stopped and said,-- "I must
22have been a singular little creature to hide and see that fight that day; but I did, and I enjoyed it very much." "You
23rewarded me very much." "Did I?" she replied, in an incidental and forgetful way. "I remember I entertained a great
24objection to your adversary, because I took it ill that he should be brought here to pester me with his company." "He
25and I are great friends now." "Are you? I think I recollect though, that you read with his father?" "Yes." I made the
26admission with reluctance, for it seemed to have a boyish look, and she already treated me more than enough like a boy.
27"Since your change of fortune and prospects, you have changed your companions," said Estella. "Naturally," said I. "And
28necessarily," she added, in a haughty tone; "what was fit company for you once, would be quite unfit company for you
29now." In my conscience, I doubt very much whether I had any lingering intention left of going to see Joe; but if I had,
30this observation put it to flight. "You had no idea of your impending good fortune, in those times?" said Estella, with
31a slight wave of her hand, signifying in the fighting times. "Not the least." The air of completeness and superiority
32with which she walked at my side, and the air of youthfulness and submission with which I walked at hers, made a
33contrast that I strongly felt. It would have rankled in me more than it did, if I had not regarded myself as eliciting
34it by being so set apart for her and assigned to her. The garden was too overgrown and rank for walking in with ease,
35and after we had made the round of it twice or thrice, we came out again into the brewery yard. I showed her to a nicety
36where I had seen her walking on the casks, that first old day, and she said, with a cold and careless look in that
37direction, "Did I?" I reminded her where she had come out of the house and given me my meat and drink, and she said, "I
38don't remember." "Not remember that you made me cry?" said I. "No," said she, and shook her head and looked about her. I
39verily believe that her not remembering and not minding in the least, made me cry again, inwardly,--and that is the
40sharpest crying of all. "You must know," said Estella, condescending to me as a brilliant and beautiful woman might,
41"that I have no heart,--if that has anything to do with my memory." I got through some jargon to the effect that I took
42the liberty of doubting that. That I knew better. That there could be no such beauty without it. "Oh! I have a heart to
43be stabbed in or shot in, I have no doubt," said Estella, "and of course if it ceased to beat I should cease to be. But
44you know what I mean. I have no softness there, no--sympathy--sentiment--nonsense." What was it that was borne in upon
45my mind when she stood still and looked attentively at me? Anything that I had seen in Miss Havisham? No. In some of her
46looks and gestures there was that tinge of resemblance to Miss Havisham which may often be noticed to have been acquired
47by children, from grown person with whom they have been much associated and secluded, and which, when childhood is
48passed, will produce a remarkable occasional likeness of expression between faces that are otherwise quite different.
49And yet I could not trace this to Miss Havisham. I looked again, and though she was still looking at me, the suggestion
50was gone. What was it? "I am serious," said Estella, not so much with a frown (for her brow was smooth) as with a
51darkening of her face; "if we are to be thrown much together, you had better believe it at once. No!" imperiously
52stopping me as I opened my lips. "I have not bestowed my tenderness anywhere. I have never had any such thing." In
53another moment we were in the brewery, so long disused, and she pointed to the high gallery where I had seen her going
54out on that same first day, and told me she remembered to have been up there, and to have seen me standing scared below.
55As my eyes followed her white hand, again the same dim suggestion that I could not possibly grasp crossed me. My
56involuntary start occasioned her to lay her hand upon my arm. Instantly the ghost passed once more and was gone. What
57was it? "What is the matter?" asked Estella. "Are you scared again?" "I should be, if I believed what you said just
58now," I replied, to turn it off. "Then you don't? Very well. It is said, at any rate. Miss Havisham will soon be
59expecting you at your old post, though I think that might be laid aside now, with other old belongings. Let us make one
60more round of the garden, and then go in. Come! You shall not shed tears for my cruelty to-day; you shall be my Page,
61and give me your shoulder." Her handsome dress had trailed upon the ground. She held it in one hand now, and with the
62other lightly touched my shoulder as we walked. We walked round the ruined garden twice or thrice more, and it was all
63in bloom for me. If the green and yellow growth of weed in the chinks of the old wall had been the most precious flowers
64that ever blew, it could not have been more cherished in my remembrance. There was no discrepancy of years between us to
65remove her far from me; we were of nearly the same age, though of course the age told for more in her case than in mine;
66but the air of inaccessibility which her beauty and her manner gave her, tormented me in the midst of my delight, and at
67the height of the assurance I felt that our patroness had chosen us for one another. Wretched boy!
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