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1At last we went back into the house, and there I heard, with surprise, that my guardian had come down to see Miss
2Havisham on business, and would come back to dinner. The old wintry branches of chandeliers in the room where the
3mouldering table was spread had been lighted while we were out, and Miss Havisham was in her chair and waiting for me.
4It was like pushing the chair itself back into the past, when we began the old slow circuit round about the ashes of the
5bridal feast. But, in the funereal room, with that figure of the grave fallen back in the chair fixing its eyes upon
6her, Estella looked more bright and beautiful than before, and I was under stronger enchantment. The time so melted
7away, that our early dinner-hour drew close at hand, and Estella left us to prepare herself. We had stopped near the
8centre of the long table, and Miss Havisham, with one of her withered arms stretched out of the chair, rested that
9clenched hand upon the yellow cloth. As Estella looked back over her shoulder before going out at the door, Miss
10Havisham kissed that hand to her, with a ravenous intensity that was of its kind quite dreadful. Then, Estella being
11gone and we two left alone, she turned to me, and said in a whisper,-- "Is she beautiful, graceful, well-grown? Do you
12admire her?" "Everybody must who sees her, Miss Havisham." She drew an arm round my neck, and drew my head close down to
13hers as she sat in the chair. "Love her, love her, love her! How does she use you?" Before I could answer (if I could
14have answered so difficult a question at all) she repeated, "Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her.
15If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces,--and as it gets older and stronger it will tear
16deeper,--love her, love her, love her!" Never had I seen such passionate eagerness as was joined to her utterance of
17these words. I could feel the muscles of the thin arm round my neck swell with the vehemence that possessed her. "Hear
18me, Pip! I adopted her, to be loved. I bred her and educated her, to be loved. I developed her into what she is, that
19she might be loved. Love her!" She said the word often enough, and there could be no doubt that she meant to say it; but
20if the often repeated word had been hate instead of love--despair--revenge--dire death--it could not have sounded from
21her lips more like a curse. "I'll tell you," said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper, "what real love is. It is
22blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the
23whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter--as I did!" When she came to that, and to a wild cry that
24followed that, I caught her round the waist. For she rose up in the chair, in her shroud of a dress, and struck at the
25air as if she would as soon have struck herself against the wall and fallen dead. All this passed in a few seconds. As I
26drew her down into her chair, I was conscious of a scent that I knew, and turning, saw my guardian in the room. He
27always carried (I have not yet mentioned it, I think) a pocket-handkerchief of rich silk and of imposing proportions,
28which was of great value to him in his profession. I have seen him so terrify a client or a witness by ceremoniously
29unfolding this pocket-handkerchief as if he were immediately going to blow his nose, and then pausing, as if he knew he
30should not have time to do it before such client or witness committed himself, that the self-committal has followed
31directly, quite as a matter of course. When I saw him in the room he had this expressive pocket-handkerchief in both
32hands, and was looking at us. On meeting my eye, he said plainly, by a momentary and silent pause in that attitude,
33"Indeed? Singular!" and then put the handkerchief to its right use with wonderful effect. Miss Havisham had seen him as
34soon as I, and was (like everybody else) afraid of him. She made a strong attempt to compose herself, and stammered that
35he was as punctual as ever. "As punctual as ever," he repeated, coming up to us. "(How do you do, Pip? Shall I give you
36a ride, Miss Havisham? Once round?) And so you are here, Pip?" I told him when I had arrived, and how Miss Havisham had
37wished me to come and see Estella. To which he replied, "Ah! Very fine young lady!" Then he pushed Miss Havisham in her
38chair before him, with one of his large hands, and put the other in his trousers-pocket as if the pocket were full of
39secrets. "Well, Pip! How often have you seen Miss Estella before?" said he, when he came to a stop. "How often?" "Ah!
40How many times? Ten thousand times?" "Oh! Certainly not so many." "Twice?" "Jaggers," interposed Miss Havisham, much to
41my relief, "leave my Pip alone, and go with him to your dinner." He complied, and we groped our way down the dark stairs
42together. While we were still on our way to those detached apartments across the paved yard at the back, he asked me how
43often I had seen Miss Havisham eat and drink; offering me a breadth of choice, as usual, between a hundred times and
44once. I considered, and said, "Never." "And never will, Pip," he retorted, with a frowning smile. "She has never allowed
45herself to be seen doing either, since she lived this present life of hers. She wanders about in the night, and then
46lays hands on such food as she takes." "Pray, sir," said I, "may I ask you a question?" "You may," said he, "and I may
47decline to answer it. Put your question." "Estella's name. Is it Havisham or--?" I had nothing to add. "Or what?" said
48he. "Is it Havisham?" "It is Havisham." This brought us to the dinner-table, where she and Sarah Pocket awaited us. Mr.
49Jaggers presided, Estella sat opposite to him, I faced my green and yellow friend. We dined very well, and were waited
50on by a maid-servant whom I had never seen in all my comings and goings, but who, for anything I know, had been in that
51mysterious house the whole time. After dinner a bottle of choice old port was placed before my guardian (he was
52evidently well acquainted with the vintage), and the two ladies left us. Anything to equal the determined reticence of
53Mr. Jaggers under that roof I never saw elsewhere, even in him. He kept his very looks to himself, and scarcely directed
54his eyes to Estella's face once during dinner. When she spoke to him, he listened, and in due course answered, but never
55looked at her, that I could see. On the other hand, she often looked at him, with interest and curiosity, if not
56distrust, but his face never showed the least consciousness. Throughout dinner he took a dry delight in making Sarah
57Pocket greener and yellower, by often referring in conversation with me to my expectations; but here, again, he showed
58no consciousness, and even made it appear that he extorted--and even did extort, though I don't know how--those
59references out of my innocent self. And when he and I were left alone together, he sat with an air upon him of general
60lying by in consequence of information he possessed, that really was too much for me. He cross-examined his very wine
61when he had nothing else in hand. He held it between himself and the candle, tasted the port, rolled it in his mouth,
62swallowed it, looked at his glass again, smelt the port, tried it, drank it, filled again, and cross-examined the glass
63again, until I was as nervous as if I had known the wine to be telling him something to my disadvantage. Three or four
64times I feebly thought I would start conversation; but whenever he saw me going to ask him anything, he looked at me
65with his glass in his hand, and rolling his wine about in his mouth, as if requesting me to take notice that it was of
66no use, for he couldn't answer.
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