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1"Lucky for you then, Handel," said Herbert, "that you are picked out for her and allotted to her. Without encroaching on
2forbidden ground, we may venture to say that there can be no doubt between ourselves of that fact. Have you any idea
3yet, of Estella's views on the adoration question?" I shook my head gloomily. "Oh! She is thousands of miles away, from
4me," said I. "Patience, my dear Handel: time enough, time enough. But you have something more to say?" "I am ashamed to
5say it," I returned, "and yet it's no worse to say it than to think it. You call me a lucky fellow. Of course, I am. I
6was a blacksmith's boy but yesterday; I am--what shall I say I am--to-day?" "Say a good fellow, if you want a phrase,"
7returned Herbert, smiling, and clapping his hand on the back of mine--"a good fellow, with impetuosity and hesitation,
8boldness and diffidence, action and dreaming, curiously mixed in him." I stopped for a moment to consider whether there
9really was this mixture in my character. On the whole, I by no means recognised the analysis, but thought it not worth
10disputing. "When I ask what I am to call myself to-day, Herbert," I went on, "I suggest what I have in my thoughts. You
11say I am lucky. I know I have done nothing to raise myself in life, and that Fortune alone has raised me; that is being
12very lucky. And yet, when I think of Estella--" ("And when don't you, you know?" Herbert threw in, with his eyes on the
13fire; which I thought kind and sympathetic of him.) "--Then, my dear Herbert, I cannot tell you how dependent and
14uncertain I feel, and how exposed to hundreds of chances. Avoiding forbidden ground, as you did just now, I may still
15say that on the constancy of one person (naming no person) all my expectations depend. And at the best, how indefinite
16and unsatisfactory, only to know so vaguely what they are!" In saying this, I relieved my mind of what had always been
17there, more or less, though no doubt most since yesterday. "Now, Handel," Herbert replied, in his gay, hopeful way, "it
18seems to me that in the despondency of the tender passion, we are looking into our gift-horse's mouth with a
19magnifying-glass. Likewise, it seems to me that, concentrating our attention on the examination, we altogether overlook
20one of the best points of the animal. Didn't you tell me that your guardian, Mr. Jaggers, told you in the beginning,
21that you were not endowed with expectations only? And even if he had not told you so,--though that is a very large If, I
22grant,--could you believe that of all men in London, Mr. Jaggers is the man to hold his present relations towards you
23unless he were sure of his ground?" I said I could not deny that this was a strong point. I said it (people often do so,
24in such cases) like a rather reluctant concession to truth and justice;--as if I wanted to deny it! "I should think it
25was a strong point," said Herbert, "and I should think you would be puzzled to imagine a stronger; as to the rest, you
26must bide your guardian's time, and he must bide his client's time. You'll be one-and-twenty before you know where you
27are, and then perhaps you'll get some further enlightenment. At all events, you'll be nearer getting it, for it must
28come at last." "What a hopeful disposition you have!" said I, gratefully admiring his cheery ways. "I ought to have,"
29said Herbert, "for I have not much else. I must acknowledge, by the by, that the good sense of what I have just said is
30not my own, but my father's. The only remark I ever heard him make on your story, was the final one, "The thing is
31settled and done, or Mr. Jaggers would not be in it." And now before I say anything more about my father, or my father's
32son, and repay confidence with confidence, I want to make myself seriously disagreeable to you for a moment,--positively
33repulsive." "You won't succeed," said I. "O yes I shall!" said he. "One, two, three, and now I am in for it. Handel, my
34good fellow;"--though he spoke in this light tone, he was very much in earnest,--"I have been thinking since we have
35been talking with our feet on this fender, that Estella surely cannot be a condition of your inheritance, if she was
36never referred to by your guardian. Am I right in so understanding what you have told me, as that he never referred to
37her, directly or indirectly, in any way? Never even hinted, for instance, that your patron might have views as to your
38marriage ultimately?" "Never." "Now, Handel, I am quite free from the flavour of sour grapes, upon my soul and honour!
39Not being bound to her, can you not detach yourself from her?--I told you I should be disagreeable." I turned my head
40aside, for, with a rush and a sweep, like the old marsh winds coming up from the sea, a feeling like that which had
41subdued me on the morning when I left the forge, when the mists were solemnly rising, and when I laid my hand upon the
42village finger-post, smote upon my heart again. There was silence between us for a little while. "Yes; but my dear
43Handel," Herbert went on, as if we had been talking, instead of silent, "its having been so strongly rooted in the
44breast of a boy whom nature and circumstances made so romantic, renders it very serious. Think of her bringing-up, and
45think of Miss Havisham. Think of what she is herself (now I am repulsive and you abominate me). This may lead to
46miserable things." "I know it, Herbert," said I, with my head still turned away, "but I can't help it." "You can't
47detach yourself?" "No. Impossible!" "You can't try, Handel?" "No. Impossible!" "Well!" said Herbert, getting up with a
48lively shake as if he had been asleep, and stirring the fire, "now I'll endeavour to make myself agreeable again!" So he
49went round the room and shook the curtains out, put the chairs in their places, tidied the books and so forth that were
50lying about, looked into the hall, peeped into the letter-box, shut the door, and came back to his chair by the fire:
51where he sat down, nursing his left leg in both arms. "I was going to say a word or two, Handel, concerning my father
52and my father's son. I am afraid it is scarcely necessary for my father's son to remark that my father's establishment
53is not particularly brilliant in its housekeeping." "There is always plenty, Herbert," said I, to say something
54encouraging. "O yes! and so the dustman says, I believe, with the strongest approval, and so does the marine-store shop
55in the back street. Gravely, Handel, for the subject is grave enough, you know how it is as well as I do. I suppose
56there was a time once when my father had not given matters up; but if ever there was, the time is gone. May I ask you if
57you have ever had an opportunity of remarking, down in your part of the country, that the children of not exactly
58suitable marriages are always most particularly anxious to be married?" This was such a singular question, that I asked
59him in return, "Is it so?" "I don't know," said Herbert, "that's what I want to know. Because it is decidedly the case
60with us. My poor sister Charlotte, who was next me and died before she was fourteen, was a striking example. Little Jane
61is the same. In her desire to be matrimonially established, you might suppose her to have passed her short existence in
62the perpetual contemplation of domestic bliss. Little Alick in a frock has already made arrangements for his union with
63a suitable young person at Kew. And indeed, I think we are all engaged, except the baby." "Then you are?" said I. "I
64am," said Herbert; "but it's a secret." I assured him of my keeping the secret, and begged to be favoured with further
65particulars. He had spoken so sensibly and feelingly of my weakness that I wanted to know something about his strength.
66"May I ask the name?" I said. "Name of Clara," said Herbert. "Live in London?" "Yes, perhaps I ought to mention," said
67Herbert, who had become curiously crestfallen and meek, since we entered on the interesting theme, "that she is rather
68below my mother's nonsensical family notions. Her father had to do with the victualling of passenger-ships. I think he
69was a species of purser." "What is he now?" said I. "He's an invalid now," replied Herbert. "Living on--?"
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