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1On our arrival in Denmark, we found the king and queen of that country elevated in two arm-chairs on a kitchen-table,
2holding a Court. The whole of the Danish nobility were in attendance; consisting of a noble boy in the wash-leather
3boots of a gigantic ancestor, a venerable Peer with a dirty face who seemed to have risen from the people late in life,
4and the Danish chivalry with a comb in its hair and a pair of white silk legs, and presenting on the whole a feminine
5appearance. My gifted townsman stood gloomily apart, with folded arms, and I could have wished that his curls and
6forehead had been more probable. Several curious little circumstances transpired as the action proceeded. The late king
7of the country not only appeared to have been troubled with a cough at the time of his decease, but to have taken it
8with him to the tomb, and to have brought it back. The royal phantom also carried a ghostly manuscript round its
9truncheon, to which it had the appearance of occasionally referring, and that too, with an air of anxiety and a tendency
10to lose the place of reference which were suggestive of a state of mortality. It was this, I conceive, which led to the
11Shade's being advised by the gallery to "turn over!"--a recommendation which it took extremely ill. It was likewise to
12be noted of this majestic spirit, that whereas it always appeared with an air of having been out a long time and walked
13an immense distance, it perceptibly came from a closely contiguous wall. This occasioned its terrors to be received
14derisively. The Queen of Denmark, a very buxom lady, though no doubt historically brazen, was considered by the public
15to have too much brass about her; her chin being attached to her diadem by a broad band of that metal (as if she had a
16gorgeous toothache), her waist being encircled by another, and each of her arms by another, so that she was openly
17mentioned as "the kettle-drum." The noble boy in the ancestral boots was inconsistent, representing himself, as it were
18in one breath, as an able seaman, a strolling actor, a grave-digger, a clergyman, and a person of the utmost importance
19at a Court fencing-match, on the authority of whose practised eye and nice discrimination the finest strokes were
20judged. This gradually led to a want of toleration for him, and even--on his being detected in holy orders, and
21declining to perform the funeral service--to the general indignation taking the form of nuts. Lastly, Ophelia was a prey
22to such slow musical madness, that when, in course of time, she had taken off her white muslin scarf, folded it up, and
23buried it, a sulky man who had been long cooling his impatient nose against an iron bar in the front row of the gallery,
24growled, "Now the baby's put to bed let's have supper!" Which, to say the least of it, was out of keeping. Upon my
25unfortunate townsman all these incidents accumulated with playful effect. Whenever that undecided Prince had to ask a
26question or state a doubt, the public helped him out with it. As for example; on the question whether 'twas nobler in
27the mind to suffer, some roared yes, and some no, and some inclining to both opinions said "Toss up for it;" and quite a
28Debating Society arose. When he asked what should such fellows as he do crawling between earth and heaven, he was
29encouraged with loud cries of "Hear, hear!" When he appeared with his stocking disordered (its disorder expressed,
30according to usage, by one very neat fold in the top, which I suppose to be always got up with a flat iron), a
31conversation took place in the gallery respecting the paleness of his leg, and whether it was occasioned by the turn the
32ghost had given him. On his taking the recorders,--very like a little black flute that had just been played in the
33orchestra and handed out at the door,--he was called upon unanimously for Rule Britannia. When he recommended the player
34not to saw the air thus, the sulky man said, "And don't you do it, neither; you're a deal worse than him!" And I grieve
35to add that peals of laughter greeted Mr. Wopsle on every one of these occasions. But his greatest trials were in the
36churchyard, which had the appearance of a primeval forest, with a kind of small ecclesiastical wash-house on one side,
37and a turnpike gate on the other. Mr. Wopsle in a comprehensive black cloak, being descried entering at the turnpike,
38the gravedigger was admonished in a friendly way, "Look out! Here's the undertaker a coming, to see how you're a getting
39on with your work!" I believe it is well known in a constitutional country that Mr. Wopsle could not possibly have
40returned the skull, after moralizing over it, without dusting his fingers on a white napkin taken from his breast; but
41even that innocent and indispensable action did not pass without the comment, "Wai-ter!" The arrival of the body for
42interment (in an empty black box with the lid tumbling open), was the signal for a general joy, which was much enhanced
43by the discovery, among the bearers, of an individual obnoxious to identification. The joy attended Mr. Wopsle through
44his struggle with Laertes on the brink of the orchestra and the grave, and slackened no more until he had tumbled the
45king off the kitchen-table, and had died by inches from the ankles upward. We had made some pale efforts in the
46beginning to applaud Mr. Wopsle; but they were too hopeless to be persisted in. Therefore we had sat, feeling keenly for
47him, but laughing, nevertheless, from ear to ear. I laughed in spite of myself all the time, the whole thing was so
48droll; and yet I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution,--not for old
49associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very uphill and downhill, and very unlike
50any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything. When the
51tragedy was over, and he had been called for and hooted, I said to Herbert, "Let us go at once, or perhaps we shall meet
52him." We made all the haste we could downstairs, but we were not quick enough either. Standing at the door was a Jewish
53man with an unnatural heavy smear of eyebrow, who caught my eyes as we advanced, and said, when we came up with him,--
54"Mr. Pip and friend?" Identity of Mr. Pip and friend confessed. "Mr. Waldengarver," said the man, "would be glad to have
55the honour." "Waldengarver?" I repeated--when Herbert murmured in my ear, "Probably Wopsle." "Oh!" said I. "Yes. Shall
56we follow you?" "A few steps, please." When we were in a side alley, he turned and asked, "How did you think he
57looked?--I dressed him." I don't know what he had looked like, except a funeral; with the addition of a large Danish sun
58or star hanging round his neck by a blue ribbon, that had given him the appearance of being insured in some
59extraordinary Fire Office. But I said he had looked very nice. "When he come to the grave," said our conductor, "he
60showed his cloak beautiful. But, judging from the wing, it looked to me that when he see the ghost in the queen's
61apartment, he might have made more of his stockings." I modestly assented, and we all fell through a little dirty swing
62door, into a sort of hot packing-case immediately behind it. Here Mr. Wopsle was divesting himself of his Danish
63garments, and here there was just room for us to look at him over one another's shoulders, by keeping the packing-case
64door, or lid, wide open. "Gentlemen," said Mr. Wopsle, "I am proud to see you. I hope, Mr. Pip, you will excuse my
65sending round. I had the happiness to know you in former times, and the Drama has ever had a claim which has ever been
66acknowledged, on the noble and the affluent." Meanwhile, Mr. Waldengarver, in a frightful perspiration, was trying to
67get himself out of his princely sables. "Skin the stockings off Mr. Waldengarver," said the owner of that property, "or
68you'll bust 'em. Bust 'em, and you'll bust five-and-thirty shillings. Shakspeare never was complimented with a finer
69pair. Keep quiet in your chair now, and leave 'em to me." With that, he went upon his knees, and began to flay his
70victim; who, on the first stocking coming off, would certainly have fallen over backward with his chair, but for there
71being no room to fall anyhow.
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