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1It happened on the occasion of this visit that some sharp words arose between Estella and Miss Havisham. It was the
2first time I had ever seen them opposed. We were seated by the fire, as just now described, and Miss Havisham still had
3Estella's arm drawn through her own, and still clutched Estella's hand in hers, when Estella gradually began to detach
4herself. She had shown a proud impatience more than once before, and had rather endured that fierce affection than
5accepted or returned it. "What!" said Miss Havisham, flashing her eyes upon her, "are you tired of me?" "Only a little
6tired of myself," replied Estella, disengaging her arm, and moving to the great chimney-piece, where she stood looking
7down at the fire. "Speak the truth, you ingrate!" cried Miss Havisham, passionately striking her stick upon the floor;
8"you are tired of me." Estella looked at her with perfect composure, and again looked down at the fire. Her graceful
9figure and her beautiful face expressed a self-possessed indifference to the wild heat of the other, that was almost
10cruel. "You stock and stone!" exclaimed Miss Havisham. "You cold, cold heart!" "What?" said Estella, preserving her
11attitude of indifference as she leaned against the great chimney-piece and only moving her eyes; "do you reproach me for
12being cold? You?" "Are you not?" was the fierce retort. "You should know," said Estella. "I am what you have made me.
13Take all the praise, take all the blame; take all the success, take all the failure; in short, take me." "O, look at
14her, look at her!" cried Miss Havisham, bitterly; "Look at her so hard and thankless, on the hearth where she was
15reared! Where I took her into this wretched breast when it was first bleeding from its stabs, and where I have lavished
16years of tenderness upon her!" [Illustration] "At least I was no party to the compact," said Estella, "for if I could
17walk and speak, when it was made, it was as much as I could do. But what would you have? You have been very good to me,
18and I owe everything to you. What would you have?" "Love," replied the other. "You have it." "I have not," said Miss
19Havisham. "Mother by adoption," retorted Estella, never departing from the easy grace of her attitude, never raising her
20voice as the other did, never yielding either to anger or tenderness,--"mother by adoption, I have said that I owe
21everything to you. All I possess is freely yours. All that you have given me, is at your command to have again. Beyond
22that, I have nothing. And if you ask me to give you, what you never gave me, my gratitude and duty cannot do
23impossibilities." "Did I never give her love!" cried Miss Havisham, turning wildly to me. "Did I never give her a
24burning love, inseparable from jealousy at all times, and from sharp pain, while she speaks thus to me! Let her call me
25mad, let her call me mad!" "Why should I call you mad," returned Estella, "I, of all people? Does any one live, who
26knows what set purposes you have, half as well as I do? Does any one live, who knows what a steady memory you have, half
27as well as I do? I who have sat on this same hearth on the little stool that is even now beside you there, learning your
28lessons and looking up into your face, when your face was strange and frightened me!" "Soon forgotten!" moaned Miss
29Havisham. "Times soon forgotten!" "No, not forgotten," retorted Estella,--"not forgotten, but treasured up in my memory.
30When have you found me false to your teaching? When have you found me unmindful of your lessons? When have you found me
31giving admission here," she touched her bosom with her hand, "to anything that you excluded? Be just to me." "So proud,
32so proud!" moaned Miss Havisham, pushing away her grey hair with both her hands. "Who taught me to be proud?" returned
33Estella. "Who praised me when I learnt my lesson?" "So hard, so hard!" moaned Miss Havisham, with her former action.
34"Who taught me to be hard?" returned Estella. "Who praised me when I learnt my lesson?" "But to be proud and hard to
35me!" Miss Havisham quite shrieked, as she stretched out her arms. "Estella, Estella, Estella, to be proud and hard to
36me!" Estella looked at her for a moment with a kind of calm wonder, but was not otherwise disturbed; when the moment was
37past, she looked down at the fire again. "I cannot think," said Estella, raising her eyes after a silence "why you
38should be so unreasonable when I come to see you after a separation. I have never forgotten your wrongs and their
39causes. I have never been unfaithful to you or your schooling. I have never shown any weakness that I can charge myself
40with." "Would it be weakness to return my love?" exclaimed Miss Havisham. "But yes, yes, she would call it so!" "I begin
41to think," said Estella, in a musing way, after another moment of calm wonder, "that I almost understand how this comes
42about. If you had brought up your adopted daughter wholly in the dark confinement of these rooms, and had never let her
43know that there was such a thing as the daylight by which she had never once seen your face,--if you had done that, and
44then, for a purpose had wanted her to understand the daylight and know all about it, you would have been disappointed
45and angry?" Miss Havisham, with her head in her hands, sat making a low moaning, and swaying herself on her chair, but
46gave no answer. "Or," said Estella,--"which is a nearer case,--if you had taught her, from the dawn of her intelligence,
47with your utmost energy and might, that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it was made to be her enemy and
48destroyer, and she must always turn against it, for it had blighted you and would else blight her;--if you had done
49this, and then, for a purpose, had wanted her to take naturally to the daylight and she could not do it, you would have
50been disappointed and angry?" Miss Havisham sat listening (or it seemed so, for I could not see her face), but still
51made no answer. "So," said Estella, "I must be taken as I have been made. The success is not mine, the failure is not
52mine, but the two together make me." Miss Havisham had settled down, I hardly knew how, upon the floor, among the faded
53bridal relics with which it was strewn. I took advantage of the moment--I had sought one from the first--to leave the
54room, after beseeching Estella's attention to her, with a movement of my hand. When I left, Estella was yet standing by
55the great chimney-piece, just as she had stood throughout. Miss Havisham's grey hair was all adrift upon the ground,
56among the other bridal wrecks, and was a miserable sight to see. It was with a depressed heart that I walked in the
57starlight for an hour and more, about the courtyard, and about the brewery, and about the ruined garden. When I at last
58took courage to return to the room, I found Estella sitting at Miss Havisham's knee, taking up some stitches in one of
59those old articles of dress that were dropping to pieces, and of which I have often been reminded since by the faded
60tatters of old banners that I have seen hanging up in cathedrals. Afterwards, Estella and I played at cards, as of
61yore,--only we were skilful now, and played French games,--and so the evening wore away, and I went to bed.
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