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1"It seems," said Estella, very calmly, "that there are sentiments, fancies,--I don't know how to call them,--which I am
2not able to comprehend. When you say you love me, I know what you mean, as a form of words; but nothing more. You
3address nothing in my breast, you touch nothing there. I don't care for what you say at all. I have tried to warn you of
4this; now, have I not?" I said in a miserable manner, "Yes." "Yes. But you would not be warned, for you thought I did
5not mean it. Now, did you not think so?" "I thought and hoped you could not mean it. You, so young, untried, and
6beautiful, Estella! Surely it is not in Nature." "It is in my nature," she returned. And then she added, with a stress
7upon the words, "It is in the nature formed within me. I make a great difference between you and all other people when I
8say so much. I can do no more." "Is it not true," said I, "that Bentley Drummle is in town here, and pursuing you?" "It
9is quite true," she replied, referring to him with the indifference of utter contempt. "That you encourage him, and ride
10out with him, and that he dines with you this very day?" She seemed a little surprised that I should know it, but again
11replied, "Quite true." "You cannot love him, Estella!" Her fingers stopped for the first time, as she retorted rather
12angrily, "What have I told you? Do you still think, in spite of it, that I do not mean what I say?" "You would never
13marry him, Estella?" She looked towards Miss Havisham, and considered for a moment with her work in her hands. Then she
14said, "Why not tell you the truth? I am going to be married to him." I dropped my face into my hands, but was able to
15control myself better than I could have expected, considering what agony it gave me to hear her say those words. When I
16raised my face again, there was such a ghastly look upon Miss Havisham's, that it impressed me, even in my passionate
17hurry and grief. "Estella, dearest Estella, do not let Miss Havisham lead you into this fatal step. Put me aside for
18ever,--you have done so, I well know,--but bestow yourself on some worthier person than Drummle. Miss Havisham gives you
19to him, as the greatest slight and injury that could be done to the many far better men who admire you, and to the few
20who truly love you. Among those few there may be one who loves you even as dearly, though he has not loved you as long,
21as I. Take him, and I can bear it better, for your sake!" My earnestness awoke a wonder in her that seemed as if it
22would have been touched with compassion, if she could have rendered me at all intelligible to her own mind. "I am
23going," she said again, in a gentler voice, "to be married to him. The preparations for my marriage are making, and I
24shall be married soon. Why do you injuriously introduce the name of my mother by adoption? It is my own act." "Your own
25act, Estella, to fling yourself away upon a brute?" "On whom should I fling myself away?" she retorted, with a smile.
26"Should I fling myself away upon the man who would the soonest feel (if people do feel such things) that I took nothing
27to him? There! It is done. I shall do well enough, and so will my husband. As to leading me into what you call this
28fatal step, Miss Havisham would have had me wait, and not marry yet; but I am tired of the life I have led, which has
29very few charms for me, and I am willing enough to change it. Say no more. We shall never understand each other." "Such
30a mean brute, such a stupid brute!" I urged, in despair. "Don't be afraid of my being a blessing to him," said Estella;
31"I shall not be that. Come! Here is my hand. Do we part on this, you visionary boy--or man?" "O Estella!" I answered, as
32my bitter tears fell fast on her hand, do what I would to restrain them; "even if I remained in England and could hold
33my head up with the rest, how could I see you Drummle's wife?" "Nonsense," she returned,--"nonsense. This will pass in
34no time." "Never, Estella!" "You will get me out of your thoughts in a week." "Out of my thoughts! You are part of my
35existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read since I first came here, the rough common boy
36whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since,--on the river, on the
37sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea,
38in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The
39stones of which the strongest London buildings are made are not more real, or more impossible to be displaced by your
40hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of
41my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in
42this separation, I associate you only with the good; and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have
43done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!" In what
44ecstasy of unhappiness I got these broken words out of myself, I don't know. The rhapsody welled up within me, like
45blood from an inward wound, and gushed out. I held her hand to my lips some lingering moments, and so I left her. But
46ever afterwards, I remembered,--and soon afterwards with stronger reason,--that while Estella looked at me merely with
47incredulous wonder, the spectral figure of Miss Havisham, her hand still covering her heart, seemed all resolved into a
48ghastly stare of pity and remorse. All done, all gone! So much was done and gone, that when I went out at the gate, the
49light of the day seemed of a darker colour than when I went in. For a while, I hid myself among some lanes and by-paths,
50and then struck off to walk all the way to London. For, I had by that time come to myself so far as to consider that I
51could not go back to the inn and see Drummle there; that I could not bear to sit upon the coach and be spoken to; that I
52could do nothing half so good for myself as tire myself out. It was past midnight when I crossed London Bridge. Pursuing
53the narrow intricacies of the streets which at that time tended westward near the Middlesex shore of the river, my
54readiest access to the Temple was close by the river-side, through Whitefriars. I was not expected till to-morrow; but I
55had my keys, and, if Herbert were gone to bed, could get to bed myself without disturbing him. As it seldom happened
56that I came in at that Whitefriars gate after the Temple was closed, and as I was very muddy and weary, I did not take
57it ill that the night-porter examined me with much attention as he held the gate a little way open for me to pass in. To
58help his memory I mentioned my name. "I was not quite sure, sir, but I thought so. Here's a note, sir. The messenger
59that brought it, said would you be so good as read it by my lantern?" [Illustration] Much surprised by the request, I
60took the note. It was directed to Philip Pip, Esquire, and on the top of the superscription were the words, "PLEASE READ
61THIS, HERE." I opened it, the watchman holding up his light, and read inside, in Wemmick's writing,-- "DON'T GO HOME."
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