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1Putting Miss Havisham's note in my pocket, that it might serve as my credentials for so soon reappearing at Satis House,
2in case her waywardness should lead her to express any surprise at seeing me, I went down again by the coach next day.
3But I alighted at the Halfway House, and breakfasted there, and walked the rest of the distance; for I sought to get
4into the town quietly by the unfrequented ways, and to leave it in the same manner. The best light of the day was gone
5when I passed along the quiet echoing courts behind the High Street. The nooks of ruin where the old monks had once had
6their refectories and gardens, and where the strong walls were now pressed into the service of humble sheds and stables,
7were almost as silent as the old monks in their graves. The cathedral chimes had at once a sadder and a more remote
8sound to me, as I hurried on avoiding observation, than they had ever had before; so, the swell of the old organ was
9borne to my ears like funeral music; and the rooks, as they hovered about the grey tower and swung in the bare high
10trees of the priory garden, seemed to call to me that the place was changed, and that Estella was gone out of it for
11ever. An elderly woman, whom I had seen before as one of the servants who lived in the supplementary house across the
12back courtyard, opened the gate. The lighted candle stood in the dark passage within, as of old, and I took it up and
13ascended the staircase alone. Miss Havisham was not in her own room, but was in the larger room across the landing.
14Looking in at the door, after knocking in vain, I saw her sitting on the hearth in a ragged chair, close before, and
15lost in the contemplation of, the ashy fire. Doing as I had often done, I went in, and stood touching the old
16chimney-piece, where she could see me when she raised her eyes. There was an air of utter loneliness upon her, that
17would have moved me to pity though she had wilfully done me a deeper injury than I could charge her with. As I stood
18compassionating her, and thinking how, in the progress of time, I too had come to be a part of the wrecked fortunes of
19that house, her eyes rested on me. She stared, and said in a low voice, "Is it real?" "It is I, Pip. Mr. Jaggers gave me
20your note yesterday, and I have lost no time." "Thank you. Thank you." As I brought another of the ragged chairs to the
21hearth and sat down, I remarked a new expression on her face, as if she were afraid of me. "I want," she said, "to
22pursue that subject you mentioned to me when you were last here, and to show you that I am not all stone. But perhaps
23you can never believe, now, that there is anything human in my heart?" When I said some reassuring words, she stretched
24out her tremulous right hand, as though she was going to touch me; but she recalled it again before I understood the
25action, or knew how to receive it. "You said, speaking for your friend, that you could tell me how to do something
26useful and good. Something that you would like done, is it not?" "Something that I would like done very much." "What is
27it?" I began explaining to her that secret history of the partnership. I had not got far into it, when I judged from her
28looks that she was thinking in a discursive way of me, rather than of what I said. It seemed to be so; for, when I
29stopped speaking, many moments passed before she showed that she was conscious of the fact. "Do you break off," she
30asked then, with her former air of being afraid of me, "because you hate me too much to bear to speak to me?" "No, no,"
31I answered, "how can you think so, Miss Havisham! I stopped because I thought you were not following what I said."
32"Perhaps I was not," she answered, putting a hand to her head. "Begin again, and let me look at something else. Stay!
33Now tell me." She set her hand upon her stick in the resolute way that sometimes was habitual to her, and looked at the
34fire with a strong expression of forcing herself to attend. I went on with my explanation, and told her how I had hoped
35to complete the transaction out of my means, but how in this I was disappointed. That part of the subject (I reminded
36her) involved matters which could form no part of my explanation, for they were the weighty secrets of another. "So!"
37said she, assenting with her head, but not looking at me. "And how much money is wanting to complete the purchase?" I
38was rather afraid of stating it, for it sounded a large sum. "Nine hundred pounds." "If I give you the money for this
39purpose, will you keep my secret as you have kept your own?" "Quite as faithfully." "And your mind will be more at
40rest?" "Much more at rest." "Are you very unhappy now?" She asked this question, still without looking at me, but in an
41unwonted tone of sympathy. I could not reply at the moment, for my voice failed me. She put her left arm across the head
42of her stick, and softly laid her forehead on it. "I am far from happy, Miss Havisham; but I have other causes of
43disquiet than any you know of. They are the secrets I have mentioned." After a little while, she raised her head, and
44looked at the fire again. "It is noble in you to tell me that you have other causes of unhappiness. Is it true?" "Too
45true." "Can I only serve you, Pip, by serving your friend? Regarding that as done, is there nothing I can do for you
46yourself?" "Nothing. I thank you for the question. I thank you even more for the tone of the question. But there is
47nothing." She presently rose from her seat, and looked about the blighted room for the means of writing. There were none
48there, and she took from her pocket a yellow set of ivory tablets, mounted in tarnished gold, and wrote upon them with a
49pencil in a case of tarnished gold that hung from her neck. "You are still on friendly terms with Mr. Jaggers?" "Quite.
50I dined with him yesterday." "This is an authority to him to pay you that money, to lay out at your irresponsible
51discretion for your friend. I keep no money here; but if you would rather Mr. Jaggers knew nothing of the matter, I will
52send it to you." "Thank you, Miss Havisham; I have not the least objection to receiving it from him." She read me what
53she had written; and it was direct and clear, and evidently intended to absolve me from any suspicion of profiting by
54the receipt of the money. I took the tablets from her hand, and it trembled again, and it trembled more as she took off
55the chain to which the pencil was attached, and put it in mine. All this she did without looking at me. "My name is on
56the first leaf. If you can ever write under my name, "I forgive her," though ever so long after my broken heart is dust
57pray do it!" "O Miss Havisham," said I, "I can do it now. There have been sore mistakes; and my life has been a blind
58and thankless one; and I want forgiveness and direction far too much, to be bitter with you." She turned her face to me
59for the first time since she had averted it, and, to my amazement, I may even add to my terror, dropped on her knees at
60my feet; with her folded hands raised to me in the manner in which, when her poor heart was young and fresh and whole,
61they must often have been raised to heaven from her mother's side. To see her with her white hair and her worn face
62kneeling at my feet gave me a shock through all my frame. I entreated her to rise, and got my arms about her to help her
63up; but she only pressed that hand of mine which was nearest to her grasp, and hung her head over it and wept. I had
64never seen her shed a tear before, and, in the hope that the relief might do her good, I bent over her without speaking.
65She was not kneeling now, but was down upon the ground. "O!" she cried, despairingly. "What have I done! What have I
66done!"
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