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1"If you mean, Miss Havisham, what have you done to injure me, let me answer. Very little. I should have loved her under
2any circumstances. Is she married?" "Yes." It was a needless question, for a new desolation in the desolate house had
3told me so. "What have I done! What have I done!" She wrung her hands, and crushed her white hair, and returned to this
4cry over and over again. "What have I done!" I knew not how to answer, or how to comfort her. That she had done a
5grievous thing in taking an impressionable child to mould into the form that her wild resentment, spurned affection, and
6wounded pride found vengeance in, I knew full well. But that, in shutting out the light of day, she had shut out
7infinitely more; that, in seclusion, she had secluded herself from a thousand natural and healing influences; that, her
8mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased, as all minds do and must and will that reverse the appointed order of their
9Maker, I knew equally well. And could I look upon her without compassion, seeing her punishment in the ruin she was, in
10her profound unfitness for this earth on which she was placed, in the vanity of sorrow which had become a master mania,
11like the vanity of penitence, the vanity of remorse, the vanity of unworthiness, and other monstrous vanities that have
12been curses in this world? "Until you spoke to her the other day, and until I saw in you a looking-glass that showed me
13what I once felt myself, I did not know what I had done. What have I done! What have I done!" And so again, twenty,
14fifty times over, What had she done! "Miss Havisham," I said, when her cry had died away, "you may dismiss me from your
15mind and conscience. But Estella is a different case, and if you can ever undo any scrap of what you have done amiss in
16keeping a part of her right nature away from her, it will be better to do that than to bemoan the past through a hundred
17years." "Yes, yes, I know it. But, Pip--my dear!" There was an earnest womanly compassion for me in her new affection.
18"My dear! Believe this: when she first came to me, I meant to save her from misery like my own. At first, I meant no
19more." "Well, well!" said I. "I hope so." "But as she grew, and promised to be very beautiful, I gradually did worse,
20and with my praises, and with my jewels, and with my teachings, and with this figure of myself always before her, a
21warning to back and point my lessons, I stole her heart away, and put ice in its place." "Better," I could not help
22saying, "to have left her a natural heart, even to be bruised or broken." With that, Miss Havisham looked distractedly
23at me for a while, and then burst out again, What had she done! "If you knew all my story," she pleaded, "you would have
24some compassion for me and a better understanding of me." "Miss Havisham," I answered, as delicately as I could, "I
25believe I may say that I do know your story, and have known it ever since I first left this neighbourhood. It has
26inspired me with great commiseration, and I hope I understand it and its influences. Does what has passed between us
27give me any excuse for asking you a question relative to Estella? Not as she is, but as she was when she first came
28here?" She was seated on the ground, with her arms on the ragged chair, and her head leaning on them. She looked full at
29me when I said this, and replied, "Go on." "Whose child was Estella?" She shook her head. "You don't know?" She shook
30her head again. "But Mr. Jaggers brought her here, or sent her here?" "Brought her here." "Will you tell me how that
31came about?" She answered in a low whisper and with caution: "I had been shut up in these rooms a long time (I don't
32know how long; you know what time the clocks keep here), when I told him that I wanted a little girl to rear and love,
33and save from my fate. I had first seen him when I sent for him to lay this place waste for me; having read of him in
34the newspapers, before I and the world parted. He told me that he would look about him for such an orphan child. One
35night he brought her here asleep, and I called her Estella." "Might I ask her age then?" "Two or three. She herself
36knows nothing, but that she was left an orphan and I adopted her." So convinced I was of that woman's being her mother,
37that I wanted no evidence to establish the fact in my own mind. But, to any mind, I thought, the connection here was
38clear and straight. What more could I hope to do by prolonging the interview? I had succeeded on behalf of Herbert, Miss
39Havisham had told me all she knew of Estella, I had said and done what I could to ease her mind. No matter with what
40other words we parted; we parted. Twilight was closing in when I went downstairs into the natural air. I called to the
41woman who had opened the gate when I entered, that I would not trouble her just yet, but would walk round the place
42before leaving. For I had a presentiment that I should never be there again, and I felt that the dying light was suited
43to my last view of it. By the wilderness of casks that I had walked on long ago, and on which the rain of years had
44fallen since, rotting them in many places, and leaving miniature swamps and pools of water upon those that stood on end,
45I made my way to the ruined garden. I went all round it; round by the corner where Herbert and I had fought our battle;
46round by the paths where Estella and I had walked. So cold, so lonely, so dreary all! Taking the brewery on my way back,
47I raised the rusty latch of a little door at the garden end of it, and walked through. I was going out at the opposite
48door,--not easy to open now, for the damp wood had started and swelled, and the hinges were yielding, and the threshold
49was encumbered with a growth of fungus,--when I turned my head to look back. A childish association revived with
50wonderful force in the moment of the slight action, and I fancied that I saw Miss Havisham hanging to the beam. So
51strong was the impression, that I stood under the beam shuddering from head to foot before I knew it was a
52fancy,--though to be sure I was there in an instant. The mournfulness of the place and time, and the great terror of
53this illusion, though it was but momentary, caused me to feel an indescribable awe as I came out between the open wooden
54gates where I had once wrung my hair after Estella had wrung my heart. Passing on into the front courtyard, I hesitated
55whether to call the woman to let me out at the locked gate of which she had the key, or first to go upstairs and assure
56myself that Miss Havisham was as safe and well as I had left her. I took the latter course and went up. I looked into
57the room where I had left her, and I saw her seated in the ragged chair upon the hearth close to the fire, with her back
58towards me. In the moment when I was withdrawing my head to go quietly away, I saw a great flaming light spring up. In
59the same moment I saw her running at me, shrieking, with a whirl of fire blazing all about her, and soaring at least as
60many feet above her head as she was high.
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