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1"I'm a-going," said he, bringing his fist down upon the table with a heavy blow, and rising as the blow fell to give it
2greater force,--"I'm a-going to have your life!" He leaned forward staring at me, slowly unclenched his hand and drew it
3across his mouth as if his mouth watered for me, and sat down again. "You was always in Old Orlick's way since ever you
4was a child. You goes out of his way this present night. He'll have no more on you. You're dead." I felt that I had come
5to the brink of my grave. For a moment I looked wildly round my trap for any chance of escape; but there was none. "More
6than that," said he, folding his arms on the table again, "I won't have a rag of you, I won't have a bone of you, left
7on earth. I'll put your body in the kiln,--I'd carry two such to it, on my shoulders--and, let people suppose what they
8may of you, they shall never know nothing." My mind, with inconceivable rapidity followed out all the consequences of
9such a death. Estella's father would believe I had deserted him, would be taken, would die accusing me; even Herbert
10would doubt me, when he compared the letter I had left for him with the fact that I had called at Miss Havisham's gate
11for only a moment; Joe and Biddy would never know how sorry I had been that night, none would ever know what I had
12suffered, how true I had meant to be, what an agony I had passed through. The death close before me was terrible, but
13far more terrible than death was the dread of being misremembered after death. And so quick were my thoughts, that I saw
14myself despised by unborn generations,--Estella's children, and their children,--while the wretch's words were yet on
15his lips. "Now, wolf," said he, "afore I kill you like any other beast,--which is wot I mean to do and wot I have tied
16you up for,--I'll have a good look at you and a good goad at you. O you enemy!" It had passed through my thoughts to cry
17out for help again; though few could know better than I, the solitary nature of the spot, and the hopelessness of aid.
18But as he sat gloating over me, I was supported by a scornful detestation of him that sealed my lips. Above all things,
19I resolved that I would not entreat him, and that I would die making some last poor resistance to him. Softened as my
20thoughts of all the rest of men were in that dire extremity; humbly beseeching pardon, as I did, of Heaven; melted at
21heart, as I was, by the thought that I had taken no farewell, and never now could take farewell of those who were dear
22to me, or could explain myself to them, or ask for their compassion on my miserable errors,--still, if I could have
23killed him, even in dying, I would have done it. He had been drinking, and his eyes were red and bloodshot. Around his
24neck was slung a tin bottle, as I had often seen his meat and drink slung about him in other days. He brought the bottle
25to his lips, and took a fiery drink from it; and I smelt the strong spirits that I saw flash into his face. "Wolf!" said
26he, folding his arms again, "Old Orlick's a-going to tell you somethink. It was you as did for your shrew sister." Again
27my mind, with its former inconceivable rapidity, had exhausted the whole subject of the attack upon my sister, her
28illness, and her death, before his slow and hesitating speech had formed these words. "It was you, villain," said I. "I
29tell you it was your doing,--I tell you it was done through you," he retorted, catching up the gun, and making a blow
30with the stock at the vacant air between us. "I come upon her from behind, as I come upon you to-night. I giv' it her! I
31left her for dead, and if there had been a limekiln as nigh her as there is now nigh you, she shouldn't have come to
32life again. But it warn't Old Orlick as did it; it was you. You was favoured, and he was bullied and beat. Old Orlick
33bullied and beat, eh? Now you pays for it. You done it; now you pays for it." He drank again, and became more ferocious.
34I saw by his tilting of the bottle that there was no great quantity left in it. I distinctly understood that he was
35working himself up with its contents to make an end of me. I knew that every drop it held was a drop of my life. I knew
36that when I was changed into a part of the vapour that had crept towards me but a little while before, like my own
37warning ghost, he would do as he had done in my sister's case,--make all haste to the town, and be seen slouching about
38there drinking at the alehouses. My rapid mind pursued him to the town, made a picture of the street with him in it, and
39contrasted its lights and life with the lonely marsh and the white vapour creeping over it, into which I should have
40dissolved. It was not only that I could have summed up years and years and years while he said a dozen words, but that
41what he did say presented pictures to me, and not mere words. In the excited and exalted state of my brain, I could not
42think of a place without seeing it, or of persons without seeing them. It is impossible to overstate the vividness of
43these images, and yet I was so intent, all the time, upon him himself,--who would not be intent on the tiger crouching
44to spring!--that I knew of the slightest action of his fingers. When he had drunk this second time, he rose from the
45bench on which he sat, and pushed the table aside. Then, he took up the candle, and, shading it with his murderous hand
46so as to throw its light on me, stood before me, looking at me and enjoying the sight. "Wolf, I'll tell you something
47more. It was Old Orlick as you tumbled over on your stairs that night." I saw the staircase with its extinguished lamps.
48I saw the shadows of the heavy stair-rails, thrown by the watchman's lantern on the wall. I saw the rooms that I was
49never to see again; here, a door half open; there, a door closed; all the articles of furniture around. "And why was Old
50Orlick there? I'll tell you something more, wolf. You and her have pretty well hunted me out of this country, so far as
51getting a easy living in it goes, and I've took up with new companions, and new masters. Some of 'em writes my letters
52when I wants 'em wrote,--do you mind?--writes my letters, wolf! They writes fifty hands; they're not like sneaking you,
53as writes but one. I've had a firm mind and a firm will to have your life, since you was down here at your sister's
54burying. I han't seen a way to get you safe, and I've looked arter you to know your ins and outs. For, says Old Orlick
55to himself, 'Somehow or another I'll have him!' What! When I looks for you, I finds your uncle Provis, eh?" Mill Pond
56Bank, and Chinks's Basin, and the Old Green Copper Rope-walk, all so clear and plain! Provis in his rooms, the signal
57whose use was over, pretty Clara, the good motherly woman, old Bill Barley on his back, all drifting by, as on the swift
58stream of my life fast running out to sea! "You with a uncle too! Why, I know'd you at Gargery's when you was so small a
59wolf that I could have took your weazen betwixt this finger and thumb and chucked you away dead (as I'd thoughts o'
60doing, odd times, when I see you loitering amongst the pollards on a Sunday), and you hadn't found no uncles then. No,
61not you! But when Old Orlick come for to hear that your uncle Provis had most like wore the leg-iron wot Old Orlick had
62picked up, filed asunder, on these meshes ever so many year ago, and wot he kep by him till he dropped your sister with
63it, like a bullock, as he means to drop you--hey?--when he come for to hear that--hey?" In his savage taunting, he
64flared the candle so close at me that I turned my face aside to save it from the flame.
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