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1Now that I was left wholly to myself, I gave notice of my intention to quit the chambers in the Temple as soon as my
2tenancy could legally determine, and in the meanwhile to underlet them. At once I put bills up in the windows; for, I
3was in debt, and had scarcely any money, and began to be seriously alarmed by the state of my affairs. I ought rather to
4write that I should have been alarmed if I had had energy and concentration enough to help me to the clear perception of
5any truth beyond the fact that I was falling very ill. The late stress upon me had enabled me to put off illness, but
6not to put it away; I knew that it was coming on me now, and I knew very little else, and was even careless as to that.
7For a day or two, I lay on the sofa, or on the floor,--anywhere, according as I happened to sink down,--with a heavy
8head and aching limbs, and no purpose, and no power. Then there came, one night which appeared of great duration, and
9which teemed with anxiety and horror; and when in the morning I tried to sit up in my bed and think of it, I found I
10could not do so. Whether I really had been down in Garden Court in the dead of the night, groping about for the boat
11that I supposed to be there; whether I had two or three times come to myself on the staircase with great terror, not
12knowing how I had got out of bed; whether I had found myself lighting the lamp, possessed by the idea that he was coming
13up the stairs, and that the lights were blown out; whether I had been inexpressibly harassed by the distracted talking,
14laughing, and groaning of some one, and had half suspected those sounds to be of my own making; whether there had been a
15closed iron furnace in a dark corner of the room, and a voice had called out, over and over again, that Miss Havisham
16was consuming within it,--these were things that I tried to settle with myself and get into some order, as I lay that
17morning on my bed. But the vapour of a limekiln would come between me and them, disordering them all, and it was through
18the vapour at last that I saw two men looking at me. "What do you want?" I asked, starting; "I don't know you." "Well,
19sir," returned one of them, bending down and touching me on the shoulder, "this is a matter that you'll soon arrange, I
20dare say, but you're arrested." "What is the debt?" "Hundred and twenty-three pound, fifteen, six. Jeweller's account, I
21think." "What is to be done?" "You had better come to my house," said the man. "I keep a very nice house." I made some
22attempt to get up and dress myself. When I next attended to them, they were standing a little off from the bed, looking
23at me. I still lay there. "You see my state," said I. "I would come with you if I could; but indeed I am quite unable.
24If you take me from here, I think I shall die by the way." Perhaps they replied, or argued the point, or tried to
25encourage me to believe that I was better than I thought. Forasmuch as they hang in my memory by only this one slender
26thread, I don't know what they did, except that they forbore to remove me. That I had a fever and was avoided, that I
27suffered greatly, that I often lost my reason, that the time seemed interminable, that I confounded impossible
28existences with my own identity; that I was a brick in the house-wall, and yet entreating to be released from the giddy
29place where the builders had set me; that I was a steel beam of a vast engine, clashing and whirling over a gulf, and
30yet that I implored in my own person to have the engine stopped, and my part in it hammered off; that I passed through
31these phases of disease, I know of my own remembrance, and did in some sort know at the time. That I sometimes struggled
32with real people, in the belief that they were murderers, and that I would all at once comprehend that they meant to do
33me good, and would then sink exhausted in their arms, and suffer them to lay me down, I also knew at the time. But,
34above all, I knew that there was a constant tendency in all these people,--who, when I was very ill, would present all
35kinds of extraordinary transformations of the human face, and would be much dilated in size,--above all, I say, I knew
36that there was an extraordinary tendency in all these people, sooner or later, to settle down into the likeness of Joe.
37After I had turned the worst point of my illness, I began to notice that while all its other features changed, this one
38consistent feature did not change. Whoever came about me, still settled down into Joe. I opened my eyes in the night,
39and I saw, in the great chair at the bedside, Joe. I opened my eyes in the day, and, sitting on the window-seat, smoking
40his pipe in the shaded open window, still I saw Joe. I asked for cooling drink, and the dear hand that gave it me was
41Joe's. I sank back on my pillow after drinking, and the face that looked so hopefully and tenderly upon me was the face
42of Joe. At last, one day, I took courage, and said, "Is it Joe?" And the dear old home-voice answered, "Which it air,
43old chap." "O Joe, you break my heart! Look angry at me, Joe. Strike me, Joe. Tell me of my ingratitude. Don't be so
44good to me!" For Joe had actually laid his head down on the pillow at my side, and put his arm round my neck, in his joy
45that I knew him. "Which dear old Pip, old chap," said Joe, "you and me was ever friends. And when you're well enough to
46go out for a ride--what larks!" After which, Joe withdrew to the window, and stood with his back towards me, wiping his
47eyes. And as my extreme weakness prevented me from getting up and going to him, I lay there, penitently whispering, "O
48God bless him! O God bless this gentle Christian man!" Joe's eyes were red when I next found him beside me; but I was
49holding his hand, and we both felt happy. "How long, dear Joe?" "Which you meantersay, Pip, how long have your illness
50lasted, dear old chap?" "Yes, Joe." "It's the end of May, Pip. To-morrow is the first of June." "And have you been here
51all that time, dear Joe?" "Pretty nigh, old chap. For, as I says to Biddy when the news of your being ill were brought
52by letter, which it were brought by the post, and being formerly single he is now married though underpaid for a deal of
53walking and shoe-leather, but wealth were not a object on his part, and marriage were the great wish of his hart--" "It
54is so delightful to hear you, Joe! But I interrupt you in what you said to Biddy." "Which it were," said Joe, "that how
55you might be amongst strangers, and that how you and me having been ever friends, a wisit at such a moment might not
56prove unacceptabobble. And Biddy, her word were, 'Go to him, without loss of time.' That," said Joe, summing up with his
57judicial air, "were the word of Biddy. 'Go to him,' Biddy say, 'without loss of time.' In short, I shouldn't greatly
58deceive you," Joe added, after a little grave reflection, "if I represented to you that the word of that young woman
59were, 'without a minute's loss of time.'" There Joe cut himself short, and informed me that I was to be talked to in
60great moderation, and that I was to take a little nourishment at stated frequent times, whether I felt inclined for it
61or not, and that I was to submit myself to all his orders. So I kissed his hand, and lay quiet, while he proceeded to
62indite a note to Biddy, with my love in it.
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