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1A Mad Tea-Party There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were
2having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion,
3resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. "Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse," thought Alice; "only, as
4it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind." The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one
5corner of it: "No room! No room!" they cried out when they saw Alice coming. "There's plenty of room!" said Alice
6indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table. "Have some wine," the March Hare said in an
7encouraging tone. Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. "I don't see any wine," she
8remarked. "There isn't any," said the March Hare. "Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it," said Alice angrily.
9"It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited," said the March Hare. "I didn't know it was your table,"
10said Alice; "it's laid for a great many more than three." "Your hair wants cutting," said the Hatter. He had been
11looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech. "You should learn not to make
12personal remarks," Alice said with some severity; "it's very rude." The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing
13this; but all he said was, "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?" "Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm
14glad they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that," she added aloud. "Do you mean that you think you can
15find out the answer to it?" said the March Hare. "Exactly so," said Alice. "Then you should say what you mean," the
16March Hare went on. "I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you
17know." "Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same
18thing as 'I eat what I see'!" "You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get' is the same
19thing as 'I get what I like'!" "You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep,
20"that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!" "It is the same thing with you," said the
21Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could
22remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much. The Hatter was the first to break the silence. "What day of
23the month is it?" he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily,
24shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear. Alice considered a little, and then said "The fourth." "Two
25days wrong!" sighed the Hatter. "I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!" he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
26"It was the best butter," the March Hare meekly replied. "Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well," the Hatter
27grumbled: "you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife." The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily:
28then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than his
29first remark, "It was the best butter, you know." Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. "What a
30funny watch!" she remarked. "It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!" "Why should it?"
31muttered the Hatter. "Does your watch tell you what year it is?" "Of course not," Alice replied very readily: "but
32that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together." "Which is just the case with mine," said the
33Hatter. Alice felt dreadfully puzzled, The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was
34certainly English. "I don't quite understand you," she said, as politely as she could. "The Dormouse is asleep again,"
35said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose. The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said,
36without opening its eyes, "Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself." "Have you guessed the riddle
37yet?" the Hatter said, turning to Alice again. "No, I give it up," Alice replied: "what's the answer?" "I haven't the
38slightest idea," said the Hatter. "Nor I," said the March Hare. Alice sighed wearily. "I think you might do something
39better with the time," she said, "than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers." "If you knew Time as well as I
40do," said the Hatter, "you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him." "I don't know what you mean," said Alice. "Of
41course you don't!" the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. "I dare say you never even spoke to Time!" "Perhaps
42not," Alice cautiously replied: "but I know I have to beat time when I learn music." "Ah! that accounts for it," said
43the Hatter. "He won't stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked
44with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have
45to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!" ("I only wish it
46was," the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.) "That would be grand, certainly," said Alice thoughtfully: "but
47then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know." "Not at first, perhaps," said the Hatter: "but you could keep it to
48half-past one as long as you liked." "Is that the way you manage?" Alice asked. The Hatter shook his head mournfully.
49"Not I!" he replied. "We quarrelled last March--just before he went mad, you know--" (pointing with his tea spoon at the
50March Hare,) "--it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing 'Twinkle, twinkle, little
51bat! How I wonder what you're at!' You know the song, perhaps?" "I've heard something like it," said Alice. "It goes on,
52you know," the Hatter continued, "in this way:-- 'Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle,
53twinkle--'" Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep "Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--" and
54went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop. "Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse," said the Hatter,
55"when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, 'He's murdering the time! Off with his head!'" "How dreadfully savage!"
56exclaimed Alice. "And ever since that," the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, "he won't do a thing I ask! It's always
57six o'clock now." A bright idea came into Alice's head. "Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?" she
58asked. "Yes, that's it," said the Hatter with a sigh: "it's always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things
59between whiles." "Then you keep moving round, I suppose?" said Alice. "Exactly so," said the Hatter: "as the things get
60used up." "But what happens when you come to the beginning again?" Alice ventured to ask. "Suppose we change the
61subject," the March Hare interrupted, yawning. "I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story." "I'm
62afraid I don't know one," said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal. "Then the Dormouse shall!" they both cried. "Wake
63up, Dormouse!" And they pinched it on both sides at once. The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. "I wasn't asleep," he
64said in a hoarse, feeble voice: "I heard every word you fellows were saying." "Tell us a story!" said the March Hare.
65"Yes, please do!" pleaded Alice. "And be quick about it," added the Hatter, "or you'll be asleep again before it's
66done." "Once upon a time there were three little sisters," the Dormouse began in a great hurry; "and their names were
67Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--" "What did they live on?" said Alice, who always took
68a great interest in questions of eating and drinking. "They lived on treacle," said the Dormouse, after thinking a
69minute or two. "They couldn't have done that, you know," Alice gently remarked; "they'd have been ill." "So they were,"
70said the Dormouse; "very ill."
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