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1"I didn't bid you good-night that evening, and I didn't go to Wuthering Heights the next: I wished to go exceedingly;
2but I was strangely excited, and dreaded to hear that Linton was dead, sometimes; and sometimes shuddered at the thought
3of encountering Hareton. On the third day I took courage: at least, I couldn't bear longer suspense, and stole off once
4more. I went at five o'clock, and walked; fancying I might manage to creep into the house, and up to Linton's room,
5unobserved. However, the dogs gave notice of my approach. Zillah received me, and saying 'the lad was mending nicely,'
6showed me into a small, tidy, carpeted apartment, where, to my inexpressible joy, I beheld Linton laid on a little sofa,
7reading one of my books. But he would neither speak to me nor look at me, through a whole hour, Ellen: he has such an
8unhappy temper. And what quite confounded me, when he did open his mouth, it was to utter the falsehood that I had
9occasioned the uproar, and Hareton was not to blame! Unable to reply, except passionately, I got up and walked from the
10room. He sent after me a faint 'Catherine!' He did not reckon on being answered so: but I wouldn't turn back; and the
11morrow was the second day on which I stayed at home, nearly determined to visit him no more. But it was so miserable
12going to bed and getting up, and never hearing anything about him, that my resolution melted into air before it was
13properly formed. It had appeared wrong to take the journey once; now it seemed wrong to refrain. Michael came to ask if
14he must saddle Minny; I said 'Yes,' and considered myself doing a duty as she bore me over the hills. I was forced to
15pass the front windows to get to the court: it was no use trying to conceal my presence. "'Young master is in the
16house,' said Zillah, as she saw me making for the parlour. I went in; Earnshaw was there also, but he quitted the room
17directly. Linton sat in the great arm-chair half asleep; walking up to the fire, I began in a serious tone, partly
18meaning it to be true-- "'As you don't like me, Linton, and as you think I come on purpose to hurt you, and pretend that
19I do so every time, this is our last meeting: let us say good-bye; and tell Mr. Heathcliff that you have no wish to see
20me, and that he mustn't invent any more falsehoods on the subject.' "'Sit down and take your hat off, Catherine,' he
21answered. 'You are so much happier than I am, you ought to be better. Papa talks enough of my defects, and shows enough
22scorn of me, to make it natural I should doubt myself. I doubt whether I am not altogether as worthless as he calls me,
23frequently; and then I feel so cross and bitter, I hate everybody! I am worthless, and bad in temper, and bad in spirit,
24almost always; and, if you choose, you may say good-bye: you'll get rid of an annoyance. Only, Catherine, do me this
25justice: believe that if I might be as sweet, and as kind, and as good as you are, I would be; as willingly, and more
26so, than as happy and as healthy. And believe that your kindness has made me love you deeper than if I deserved your
27love: and though I couldn't, and cannot help showing my nature to you, I regret it and repent it; and shall regret and
28repent it till I die!' "I felt he spoke the truth; and I felt I must forgive him: and, though we should quarrel the next
29moment, I must forgive him again. We were reconciled; but we cried, both of us, the whole time I stayed: not entirely
30for sorrow; yet I was sorry Linton had that distorted nature. He'll never let his friends be at ease, and he'll never be
31at ease himself! I have always gone to his little parlour, since that night; because his father returned the day after.
32"About three times, I think, we have been merry and hopeful, as we were the first evening; the rest of my visits were
33dreary and troubled: now with his selfishness and spite, and now with his sufferings: but I've learned to endure the
34former with nearly as little resentment as the latter. Mr. Heathcliff purposely avoids me: I have hardly seen him at
35all. Last Sunday, indeed, coming earlier than usual, I heard him abusing poor Linton cruelly for his conduct of the
36night before. I can't tell how he knew of it, unless he listened. Linton had certainly behaved provokingly: however, it
37was the business of nobody but me, and I interrupted Mr. Heathcliff's lecture by entering and telling him so. He burst
38into a laugh, and went away, saying he was glad I took that view of the matter. Since then, I've told Linton he must
39whisper his bitter things. Now, Ellen, you have heard all. I can't be prevented from going to Wuthering Heights, except
40by inflicting misery on two people; whereas, if you'll only not tell papa, my going need disturb the tranquillity of
41none. You'll not tell, will you? It will be very heartless, if you do." "I'll make up my mind on that point by
42to-morrow, Miss Catherine," I replied. "It requires some study; and so I'll leave you to your rest, and go think it
43over." I thought it over aloud, in my master's presence; walking straight from her room to his, and relating the whole
44story: with the exception of her conversations with her cousin, and any mention of Hareton. Mr. Linton was alarmed and
45distressed, more than he would acknowledge to me. In the morning, Catherine learnt my betrayal of her confidence, and
46she learnt also that her secret visits were to end. In vain she wept and writhed against the interdict, and implored her
47father to have pity on Linton: all she got to comfort her was a promise that he would write and give him leave to come
48to the Grange when he pleased; but explaining that he must no longer expect to see Catherine at Wuthering Heights.
49Perhaps, had he been aware of his nephew's disposition and state of health, he would have seen fit to withhold even that
50slight consolation.
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