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130 September.--I am so glad that I hardly know how to contain myself. It is, I suppose, the reaction from the haunting
2fear which I have had: that this terrible affair and the reopening of his old wound might act detrimentally on Jonathan.
3I saw him leave for Whitby with as brave a face as I could, but I was sick with apprehension. The effort has, however,
4done him good. He was never so resolute, never so strong, never so full of volcanic energy, as at present. It is just as
5that dear, good Professor Van Helsing said: he is true grit, and he improves under strain that would kill a weaker
6nature. He came back full of life and hope and determination; we have got everything in order for to-night. I feel
7myself quite wild with excitement. I suppose one ought to pity any thing so hunted as is the Count. That is just it:
8this Thing is not human--not even beast. To read Dr. Seward's account of poor Lucy's death, and what followed, is enough
9to dry up the springs of pity in one's heart. Later.--Lord Godalming and Mr. Morris arrived earlier than we expected.
10Dr. Seward was out on business, and had taken Jonathan with him, so I had to see them. It was to me a painful meeting,
11for it brought back all poor dear Lucy's hopes of only a few months ago. Of course they had heard Lucy speak of me, and
12it seemed that Dr. Van Helsing, too, has been quite "blowing my trumpet," as Mr. Morris expressed it. Poor fellows,
13neither of them is aware that I know all about the proposals they made to Lucy. They did not quite know what to say or
14do, as they were ignorant of the amount of my knowledge; so they had to keep on neutral subjects. However, I thought the
15matter over, and came to the conclusion that the best thing I could do would be to post them in affairs right up to
16date. I knew from Dr. Seward's diary that they had been at Lucy's death--her real death--and that I need not fear to
17betray any secret before the time. So I told them, as well as I could, that I had read all the papers and diaries, and
18that my husband and I, having typewritten them, had just finished putting them in order. I gave them each a copy to read
19in the library. When Lord Godalming got his and turned it over--it does make a pretty good pile--he said:-- "Did you
20write all this, Mrs. Harker?" I nodded, and he went on:-- "I don't quite see the drift of it; but you people are all so
21good and kind, and have been working so earnestly and so energetically, that all I can do is to accept your ideas
22blindfold and try to help you. I have had one lesson already in accepting facts that should make a man humble to the
23last hour of his life. Besides, I know you loved my poor Lucy--" Here he turned away and covered his face with his
24hands. I could hear the tears in his voice. Mr. Morris, with instinctive delicacy, just laid a hand for a moment on his
25shoulder, and then walked quietly out of the room. I suppose there is something in woman's nature that makes a man free
26to break down before her and express his feelings on the tender or emotional side without feeling it derogatory to his
27manhood; for when Lord Godalming found himself alone with me he sat down on the sofa and gave way utterly and openly. I
28sat down beside him and took his hand. I hope he didn't think it forward of me, and that if he ever thinks of it
29afterwards he never will have such a thought. There I wrong him; I know he never will--he is too true a gentleman. I
30said to him, for I could see that his heart was breaking:-- "I loved dear Lucy, and I know what she was to you, and what
31you were to her. She and I were like sisters; and now she is gone, will you not let me be like a sister to you in your
32trouble? I know what sorrows you have had, though I cannot measure the depth of them. If sympathy and pity can help in
33your affliction, won't you let me be of some little service--for Lucy's sake?" In an instant the poor dear fellow was
34overwhelmed with grief. It seemed to me that all that he had of late been suffering in silence found a vent at once. He
35grew quite hysterical, and raising his open hands, beat his palms together in a perfect agony of grief. He stood up and
36then sat down again, and the tears rained down his cheeks. I felt an infinite pity for him, and opened my arms
37unthinkingly. With a sob he laid his head on my shoulder and cried like a wearied child, whilst he shook with emotion.
38We women have something of the mother in us that makes us rise above smaller matters when the mother-spirit is invoked;
39I felt this big sorrowing man's head resting on me, as though it were that of the baby that some day may lie on my
40bosom, and I stroked his hair as though he were my own child. I never thought at the time how strange it all was. After
41a little bit his sobs ceased, and he raised himself with an apology, though he made no disguise of his emotion. He told
42me that for days and nights past--weary days and sleepless nights--he had been unable to speak with any one, as a man
43must speak in his time of sorrow. There was no woman whose sympathy could be given to him, or with whom, owing to the
44terrible circumstance with which his sorrow was surrounded, he could speak freely. "I know now how I suffered," he said,
45as he dried his eyes, "but I do not know even yet--and none other can ever know--how much your sweet sympathy has been
46to me to-day. I shall know better in time; and believe me that, though I am not ungrateful now, my gratitude will grow
47with my understanding. You will let me be like a brother, will you not, for all our lives--for dear Lucy's sake?" "For
48dear Lucy's sake," I said as we clasped hands. "Ay, and for your own sake," he added, "for if a man's esteem and
49gratitude are ever worth the winning, you have won mine to-day. If ever the future should bring to you a time when you
50need a man's help, believe me, you will not call in vain. God grant that no such time may ever come to you to break the
51sunshine of your life; but if it should ever come, promise me that you will let me know." He was so earnest, and his
52sorrow was so fresh, that I felt it would comfort him, so I said:-- "I promise." As I came along the corridor I saw Mr.
53Morris looking out of a window. He turned as he heard my footsteps. "How is Art?" he said. Then noticing my red eyes, he
54went on: "Ah, I see you have been comforting him. Poor old fellow! he needs it. No one but a woman can help a man when
55he is in trouble of the heart; and he had no one to comfort him." He bore his own trouble so bravely that my heart bled
56for him. I saw the manuscript in his hand, and I knew that when he read it he would realise how much I knew; so I said
57to him:-- "I wish I could comfort all who suffer from the heart. Will you let me be your friend, and will you come to me
58for comfort if you need it? You will know, later on, why I speak." He saw that I was in earnest, and stooping, took my
59hand, and raising it to his lips, kissed it. It seemed but poor comfort to so brave and unselfish a soul, and
60impulsively I bent over and kissed him. The tears rose in his eyes, and there was a momentary choking in his throat; he
61said quite calmly:-- "Little girl, you will never regret that true-hearted kindness, so long as ever you live!" Then he
62went into the study to his friend. "Little girl!"--the very words he had used to Lucy, and oh, but he proved himself a
63friend!
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