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1Last night I went to bed when the men had gone, simply because they told me to. I didn't feel sleepy, and I did feel
2full of devouring anxiety. I kept thinking over everything that has been ever since Jonathan came to see me in London,
3and it all seems like a horrible tragedy, with fate pressing on relentlessly to some destined end. Everything that one
4does seems, no matter how right it may be, to bring on the very thing which is most to be deplored. If I hadn't gone to
5Whitby, perhaps poor dear Lucy would be with us now. She hadn't taken to visiting the churchyard till I came, and if she
6hadn't come there in the day-time with me she wouldn't have walked there in her sleep; and if she hadn't gone there at
7night and asleep, that monster couldn't have destroyed her as he did. Oh, why did I ever go to Whitby? There now, crying
8again! I wonder what has come over me to-day. I must hide it from Jonathan, for if he knew that I had been crying twice
9in one morning--I, who never cried on my own account, and whom he has never caused to shed a tear--the dear fellow would
10fret his heart out. I shall put a bold face on, and if I do feel weepy, he shall never see it. I suppose it is one of
11the lessons that we poor women have to learn.... I can't quite remember how I fell asleep last night. I remember hearing
12the sudden barking of the dogs and a lot of queer sounds, like praying on a very tumultuous scale, from Mr. Renfield's
13room, which is somewhere under this. And then there was silence over everything, silence so profound that it startled
14me, and I got up and looked out of the window. All was dark and silent, the black shadows thrown by the moonlight
15seeming full of a silent mystery of their own. Not a thing seemed to be stirring, but all to be grim and fixed as death
16or fate; so that a thin streak of white mist, that crept with almost imperceptible slowness across the grass towards the
17house, seemed to have a sentience and a vitality of its own. I think that the digression of my thoughts must have done
18me good, for when I got back to bed I found a lethargy creeping over me. I lay a while, but could not quite sleep, so I
19got out and looked out of the window again. The mist was spreading, and was now close up to the house, so that I could
20see it lying thick against the wall, as though it were stealing up to the windows. The poor man was more loud than ever,
21and though I could not distinguish a word he said, I could in some way recognise in his tones some passionate entreaty
22on his part. Then there was the sound of a struggle, and I knew that the attendants were dealing with him. I was so
23frightened that I crept into bed, and pulled the clothes over my head, putting my fingers in my ears. I was not then a
24bit sleepy, at least so I thought; but I must have fallen asleep, for, except dreams, I do not remember anything until
25the morning, when Jonathan woke me. I think that it took me an effort and a little time to realise where I was, and that
26it was Jonathan who was bending over me. My dream was very peculiar, and was almost typical of the way that waking
27thoughts become merged in, or continued in, dreams. I thought that I was asleep, and waiting for Jonathan to come back.
28I was very anxious about him, and I was powerless to act; my feet, and my hands, and my brain were weighted, so that
29nothing could proceed at the usual pace. And so I slept uneasily and thought. Then it began to dawn upon me that the air
30was heavy, and dank, and cold. I put back the clothes from my face, and found, to my surprise, that all was dim around.
31The gaslight which I had left lit for Jonathan, but turned down, came only like a tiny red spark through the fog, which
32had evidently grown thicker and poured into the room. Then it occurred to me that I had shut the window before I had
33come to bed. I would have got out to make certain on the point, but some leaden lethargy seemed to chain my limbs and
34even my will. I lay still and endured; that was all. I closed my eyes, but could still see through my eyelids. (It is
35wonderful what tricks our dreams play us, and how conveniently we can imagine.) The mist grew thicker and thicker and I
36could see now how it came in, for I could see it like smoke--or with the white energy of boiling water--pouring in, not
37through the window, but through the joinings of the door. It got thicker and thicker, till it seemed as if it became
38concentrated into a sort of pillar of cloud in the room, through the top of which I could see the light of the gas
39shining like a red eye. Things began to whirl through my brain just as the cloudy column was now whirling in the room,
40and through it all came the scriptural words "a pillar of cloud by day and of fire by night." Was it indeed some such
41spiritual guidance that was coming to me in my sleep? But the pillar was composed of both the day and the night-guiding,
42for the fire was in the red eye, which at the thought got a new fascination for me; till, as I looked, the fire divided,
43and seemed to shine on me through the fog like two red eyes, such as Lucy told me of in her momentary mental wandering
44when, on the cliff, the dying sunlight struck the windows of St. Mary's Church. Suddenly the horror burst upon me that
45it was thus that Jonathan had seen those awful women growing into reality through the whirling mist in the moonlight,
46and in my dream I must have fainted, for all became black darkness. The last conscious effort which imagination made was
47to show me a livid white face bending over me out of the mist. I must be careful of such dreams, for they would unseat
48one's reason if there were too much of them. I would get Dr. Van Helsing or Dr. Seward to prescribe something for me
49which would make me sleep, only that I fear to alarm them. Such a dream at the present time would become woven into
50their fears for me. To-night I shall strive hard to sleep naturally. If I do not, I shall to-morrow night get them to
51give me a dose of chloral; that cannot hurt me for once, and it will give me a good night's sleep. Last night tired me
52more than if I had not slept at all.
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