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12 October 10 p. m.--Last night I slept, but did not dream. I must have slept soundly, for I was not waked by Jonathan
2coming to bed; but the sleep has not refreshed me, for to-day I feel terribly weak and spiritless. I spent all yesterday
3trying to read, or lying down dozing. In the afternoon Mr. Renfield asked if he might see me. Poor man, he was very
4gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and bade God bless me. Some way it affected me much; I am crying when I
5think of him. This is a new weakness, of which I must be careful. Jonathan would be miserable if he knew I had been
6crying. He and the others were out till dinner-time, and they all came in tired. I did what I could to brighten them up,
7and I suppose that the effort did me good, for I forgot how tired I was. After dinner they sent me to bed, and all went
8off to smoke together, as they said, but I knew that they wanted to tell each other of what had occurred to each during
9the day; I could see from Jonathan's manner that he had something important to communicate. I was not so sleepy as I
10should have been; so before they went I asked Dr. Seward to give me a little opiate of some kind, as I had not slept
11well the night before. He very kindly made me up a sleeping draught, which he gave to me, telling me that it would do me
12no harm, as it was very mild.... I have taken it, and am waiting for sleep, which still keeps aloof. I hope I have not
13done wrong, for as sleep begins to flirt with me, a new fear comes: that I may have been foolish in thus depriving
14myself of the power of waking. I might want it. Here comes sleep. Good-night.
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