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1"No, no! your manner might be only the ease which your engagement to another man would give. I left you in this belief;
2and yet, I was determined to see you again. My spirits rallied with the morning, and I felt that I had still a motive
3for remaining here." At last Anne was at home again, and happier than any one in that house could have conceived. All
4the surprise and suspense, and every other painful part of the morning dissipated by this conversation, she re-entered
5the house so happy as to be obliged to find an alloy in some momentary apprehensions of its being impossible to last. An
6interval of meditation, serious and grateful, was the best corrective of everything dangerous in such high-wrought
7felicity; and she went to her room, and grew steadfast and fearless in the thankfulness of her enjoyment. The evening
8came, the drawing-rooms were lighted up, the company assembled. It was but a card party, it was but a mixture of those
9who had never met before, and those who met too often; a commonplace business, too numerous for intimacy, too small for
10variety; but Anne had never found an evening shorter. Glowing and lovely in sensibility and happiness, and more
11generally admired than she thought about or cared for, she had cheerful or forbearing feelings for every creature around
12her. Mr Elliot was there; she avoided, but she could pity him. The Wallises, she had amusement in understanding them.
13Lady Dalrymple and Miss Carteret--they would soon be innoxious cousins to her. She cared not for Mrs Clay, and had
14nothing to blush for in the public manners of her father and sister. With the Musgroves, there was the happy chat of
15perfect ease; with Captain Harville, the kind-hearted intercourse of brother and sister; with Lady Russell, attempts at
16conversation, which a delicious consciousness cut short; with Admiral and Mrs Croft, everything of peculiar cordiality
17and fervent interest, which the same consciousness sought to conceal; and with Captain Wentworth, some moments of
18communications continually occurring, and always the hope of more, and always the knowledge of his being there. It was
19in one of these short meetings, each apparently occupied in admiring a fine display of greenhouse plants, that she
20said-- "I have been thinking over the past, and trying impartially to judge of the right and wrong, I mean with regard
21to myself; and I must believe that I was right, much as I suffered from it, that I was perfectly right in being guided
22by the friend whom you will love better than you do now. To me, she was in the place of a parent. Do not mistake me,
23however. I am not saying that she did not err in her advice. It was, perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good
24or bad only as the event decides; and for myself, I certainly never should, in any circumstance of tolerable similarity,
25give such advice. But I mean, that I was right in submitting to her, and that if I had done otherwise, I should have
26suffered more in continuing the engagement than I did even in giving it up, because I should have suffered in my
27conscience. I have now, as far as such a sentiment is allowable in human nature, nothing to reproach myself with; and if
28I mistake not, a strong sense of duty is no bad part of a woman's portion." He looked at her, looked at Lady Russell,
29and looking again at her, replied, as if in cool deliberation-- "Not yet. But there are hopes of her being forgiven in
30time. I trust to being in charity with her soon. But I too have been thinking over the past, and a question has
31suggested itself, whether there may not have been one person more my enemy even than that lady? My own self. Tell me if,
32when I returned to England in the year eight, with a few thousand pounds, and was posted into the Laconia, if I had then
33written to you, would you have answered my letter? Would you, in short, have renewed the engagement then?" "Would I!"
34was all her answer; but the accent was decisive enough. "Good God!" he cried, "you would! It is not that I did not think
35of it, or desire it, as what could alone crown all my other success; but I was proud, too proud to ask again. I did not
36understand you. I shut my eyes, and would not understand you, or do you justice. This is a recollection which ought to
37make me forgive every one sooner than myself. Six years of separation and suffering might have been spared. It is a sort
38of pain, too, which is new to me. I have been used to the gratification of believing myself to earn every blessing that
39I enjoyed. I have valued myself on honourable toils and just rewards. Like other great men under reverses," he added,
40with a smile. "I must endeavour to subdue my mind to my fortune. I must learn to brook being happier than I deserve."
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