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1"I was afraid you would think I was taking a great liberty with you," said she, "in telling you all this. I have not
2known you long to be sure, personally at least, but I have known you and all your family by description a great while;
3and as soon as I saw you, I felt almost as if you was an old acquaintance. Besides in the present case, I really thought
4some explanation was due to you after my making such particular inquiries about Edward's mother; and I am so
5unfortunate, that I have not a creature whose advice I can ask. Anne is the only person that knows of it, and she has no
6judgment at all; indeed, she does me a great deal more harm than good, for I am in constant fear of her betraying me.
7She does not know how to hold her tongue, as you must perceive, and I am sure I was in the greatest fright in the world
8t'other day, when Edward's name was mentioned by Sir John, lest she should out with it all. You can't think how much I
9go through in my mind from it altogether. I only wonder that I am alive after what I have suffered for Edward's sake
10these last four years. Every thing in such suspense and uncertainty; and seeing him so seldom--we can hardly meet above
11twice a-year. I am sure I wonder my heart is not quite broke." Here she took out her handkerchief; but Elinor did not
12feel very compassionate. "Sometimes." continued Lucy, after wiping her eyes, "I think whether it would not be better for
13us both to break off the matter entirely." As she said this, she looked directly at her companion. "But then at other
14times I have not resolution enough for it. I cannot bear the thoughts of making him so miserable, as I know the very
15mention of such a thing would do. And on my own account too--so dear as he is to me--I don't think I could be equal to
16it. What would you advise me to do in such a case, Miss Dashwood? What would you do yourself?" "Pardon me," replied
17Elinor, startled by the question; "but I can give you no advice under such circumstances. Your own judgment must direct
18you." "To be sure," continued Lucy, after a few minutes silence on both sides, "his mother must provide for him sometime
19or other; but poor Edward is so cast down by it! Did you not think him dreadful low-spirited when he was at Barton? He
20was so miserable when he left us at Longstaple, to go to you, that I was afraid you would think him quite ill." "Did he
21come from your uncle's, then, when he visited us?" "Oh, yes; he had been staying a fortnight with us. Did you think he
22came directly from town?" "No," replied Elinor, most feelingly sensible of every fresh circumstance in favour of Lucy's
23veracity; "I remember he told us, that he had been staying a fortnight with some friends near Plymouth." She remembered
24too, her own surprise at the time, at his mentioning nothing farther of those friends, at his total silence with respect
25even to their names. "Did not you think him sadly out of spirits?" repeated Lucy. "We did, indeed, particularly so when
26he first arrived." "I begged him to exert himself for fear you should suspect what was the matter; but it made him so
27melancholy, not being able to stay more than a fortnight with us, and seeing me so much affected. Poor fellow! I am
28afraid it is just the same with him now; for he writes in wretched spirits. I heard from him just before I left Exeter;"
29taking a letter from her pocket and carelessly showing the direction to Elinor. "You know his hand, I dare say,--a
30charming one it is; but that is not written so well as usual. He was tired, I dare say, for he had just filled the sheet
31to me as full as possible." Elinor saw that it was his hand, and she could doubt no longer. This picture, she had
32allowed herself to believe, might have been accidentally obtained; it might not have been Edward's gift; but a
33correspondence between them by letter, could subsist only under a positive engagement, could be authorised by nothing
34else; for a few moments, she was almost overcome--her heart sunk within her, and she could hardly stand; but exertion
35was indispensably necessary; and she struggled so resolutely against the oppression of her feelings, that her success
36was speedy, and for the time complete. "Writing to each other," said Lucy, returning the letter into her pocket, "is the
37only comfort we have in such long separations. Yes, I have one other comfort in his picture, but poor Edward has not
38even that. If he had but my picture, he says he should be easy. I gave him a lock of my hair set in a ring when he was
39at Longstaple last, and that was some comfort to him, he said, but not equal to a picture. Perhaps you might notice the
40ring when you saw him?" "I did," said Elinor, with a composure of voice, under which was concealed an emotion and
41distress beyond any thing she had ever felt before. She was mortified, shocked, confounded. Fortunately for her, they
42had now reached the cottage, and the conversation could be continued no farther. After sitting with them a few minutes,
43the Miss Steeles returned to the Park, and Elinor was then at liberty to think and be wretched. END OF THE FIRST VOLUME
44CHAPTER XXIII. However small Elinor's general dependence on Lucy's veracity might be, it was impossible for her on
45serious reflection to suspect it in the present case, where no temptation could be answerable to the folly of inventing
46a falsehood of such a description. What Lucy had asserted to be true, therefore, Elinor could not, dared not longer
47doubt; supported as it was too on every side by such probabilities and proofs, and contradicted by nothing but her own
48wishes. Their opportunity of acquaintance in the house of Mr. Pratt was a foundation for the rest, at once indisputable
49and alarming; and Edward's visit near Plymouth, his melancholy state of mind, his dissatisfaction at his own prospects,
50his uncertain behaviour towards herself, the intimate knowledge of the Miss Steeles as to Norland and their family
51connections, which had often surprised her, the picture, the letter, the ring, formed altogether such a body of
52evidence, as overcame every fear of condemning him unfairly, and established as a fact, which no partiality could set
53aside, his ill-treatment of herself.--Her resentment of such behaviour, her indignation at having been its dupe, for a
54short time made her feel only for herself; but other ideas, other considerations, soon arose. Had Edward been
55intentionally deceiving her? Had he feigned a regard for her which he did not feel? Was his engagement to Lucy an
56engagement of the heart? No; whatever it might once have been, she could not believe it such at present. His affection
57was all her own. She could not be deceived in that. Her mother, sisters, Fanny, all had been conscious of his regard for
58her at Norland; it was not an illusion of her own vanity. He certainly loved her. What a softener of the heart was this
59persuasion! How much could it not tempt her to forgive! He had been blamable, highly blamable, in remaining at Norland
60after he first felt her influence over him to be more than it ought to be. In that, he could not be defended; but if he
61had injured her, how much more had he injured himself; if her case were pitiable, his was hopeless. His imprudence had
62made her miserable for a while; but it seemed to have deprived himself of all chance of ever being otherwise. She might
63in time regain tranquillity; but he, what had he to look forward to? Could he ever be tolerably happy with Lucy Steele;
64could he, were his affection for herself out of the question, with his integrity, his delicacy, and well-informed mind,
65be satisfied with a wife like her--illiterate, artful, and selfish? The youthful infatuation of nineteen would naturally
66blind him to every thing but her beauty and good nature; but the four succeeding years--years, which if rationally
67spent, give such improvement to the understanding, must have opened his eyes to her defects of education, while the same
68period of time, spent on her side in inferior society and more frivolous pursuits, had perhaps robbed her of that
69simplicity which might once have given an interesting character to her beauty.
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