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1"Last night, in Drury Lane lobby, I ran against Sir John Middleton, and when he saw who I was, for the first time these
2two months, he spoke to me. That he had cut me ever since my marriage, I had seen without surprise or resentment. Now,
3however, his good-natured, honest, stupid soul, full of indignation against me, and concern for your sister, could not
4resist the temptation of telling me what he knew ought to, though probably he did not think it would, vex me horridly.
5As bluntly as he could speak it, therefore, he told me that Marianne Dashwood was dying of a putrid fever at
6Cleveland--a letter that morning received from Mrs. Jennings declared her danger most imminent--the Palmers are all gone
7off in a fright, &c. I was too much shocked to be able to pass myself off as insensible even to the undiscerning Sir
8John. His heart was softened in seeing mine suffer; and so much of his ill-will was done away, that when we parted, he
9almost shook me by the hand while he reminded me of an old promise about a pointer puppy. What I felt on hearing that
10your sister was dying, and dying too, believing me the greatest villain upon earth, scorning, hating me in her latest
11moments--for how could I tell what horrid projects might not have been imputed? One person I was sure would represent me
12as capable of anything--What I felt was dreadful! My resolution was soon made, and at eight o'clock this morning I was
13in my carriage. Now you know all." Elinor made no answer. Her thoughts were silently fixed on the irreparable injury
14which too early an independence and its consequent habits of idleness, dissipation, and luxury, had made in the mind,
15the character, the happiness, of a man who, to every advantage of person and talents, united a disposition naturally
16open and honest, and a feeling, affectionate temper. The world had made him extravagant and vain--Extravagance and
17vanity had made him cold-hearted and selfish. Vanity, while seeking its own guilty triumph at the expense of another,
18had involved him in a real attachment, which extravagance, or at least its offspring, necessity, had required to be
19sacrificed. Each faulty propensity in leading him to evil, had led him likewise to punishment. The attachment, from
20which against honour, against feeling, against every better interest he had outwardly torn himself, now, when no longer
21allowable, governed every thought; and the connection, for the sake of which he had, with little scruple, left her
22sister to misery, was likely to prove a source of unhappiness to himself of a far more incurable nature. From a reverie
23of this kind she was recalled at the end of some minutes by Willoughby, who, rousing himself from a reverie at least
24equally painful, started up in preparation for going, and said-- "There is no use in staying here; I must be off." "Are
25you going back to town?" "No--to Combe Magna. I have business there; from thence to town in a day or two. Good bye." He
26held out his hand. She could not refuse to give him hers;--he pressed it with affection. "And you do think something
27better of me than you did?" said he, letting it fall, and leaning against the mantel-piece as if forgetting he was to
28go. Elinor assured him that she did;--that she forgave, pitied, wished him well--was even interested in his
29happiness--and added some gentle counsel as to the behaviour most likely to promote it. His answer was not very
30encouraging. "As to that," said he, "I must rub through the world as well as I can. Domestic happiness is out of the
31question. If, however, I am allowed to think that you and yours feel an interest in my fate and actions, it may be the
32means--it may put me on my guard--at least, it may be something to live for. Marianne to be sure is lost to me for ever.
33Were I even by any blessed chance at liberty again--" Elinor stopped him with a reproof. "Well,"--he replied--"once more
34good bye. I shall now go away and live in dread of one event." "What do you mean?" "Your sister's marriage." "You are
35very wrong. She can never be more lost to you than she is now." "But she will be gained by some one else. And if that
36some one should be the very he whom, of all others, I could least bear--but I will not stay to rob myself of all your
37compassionate goodwill, by showing that where I have most injured I can least forgive. Good bye,--God bless you!" And
38with these words, he almost ran out of the room. CHAPTER XLV. Elinor, for some time after he left her, for some time
39even after the sound of his carriage had died away, remained too much oppressed by a crowd of ideas, widely differing in
40themselves, but of which sadness was the general result, to think even of her sister. Willoughby, he, whom only half an
41hour ago she had abhorred as the most worthless of men, Willoughby, in spite of all his faults, excited a degree of
42commiseration for the sufferings produced by them, which made her think of him as now separated for ever from her
43family, with a tenderness, a regret, rather in proportion, as she soon acknowledged within herself--to his wishes than
44to his merits. She felt that his influence over her mind was heightened by circumstances which ought not in reason to
45have weight; by that person of uncommon attraction, that open, affectionate, and lively manner which it was no merit to
46possess; and by that still ardent love for Marianne, which it was not even innocent to indulge. But she felt that it was
47so, long, long before she could feel his influence less. When at last she returned to the unconscious Marianne, she
48found her just awaking, refreshed by so long and sweet a sleep to the extent of her hopes. Elinor's heart was full. The
49past, the present, the future, Willoughby's visit, Marianne's safety, and her mother's expected arrival, threw her
50altogether into an agitation of spirits which kept off every indication of fatigue, and made her only fearful of
51betraying herself to her sister. Short was the time, however, in which that fear could affect her, for within half an
52hour after Willoughby's leaving the house, she was again called down stairs by the sound of another carriage.--Eager to
53save her mother from every unnecessary moment's horrible suspense, she ran immediately into the hall, and reached the
54outward door just in time to receive and support her as she entered it. Mrs. Dashwood, whose terror as they drew near
55the house had produced almost the conviction of Marianne's being no more, had no voice to inquire after her, no voice
56even for Elinor; but she, waiting neither for salutation nor inquiry, instantly gave the joyful relief; and her mother,
57catching it with all her usual warmth, was in a moment as much overcome by her happiness, as she had been before by her
58fears. She was supported into the drawing-room between her daughter and her friend; and there, shedding tears of joy,
59though still unable to speak, embraced Elinor again and again, turning from her at intervals to press Colonel Brandon's
60hand, with a look which spoke at once her gratitude, and her conviction of his sharing with herself in the bliss of the
61moment. He shared it, however, in a silence even greater than her own.
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