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1Who Stole the Tarts? The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd
2assembled about them--all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing
3before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet
4in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of
5tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--"I wish they'd get the trial done,"
6she thought, "and hand round the refreshments!" But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at
7everything about her, to pass away the time. Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about
8them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. "That's the judge,"
9she said to herself, "because of his great wig." The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
10wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was
11certainly not becoming. "And that's the jury-box," thought Alice, "and those twelve creatures," (she was obliged to say
12"creatures," you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) "I suppose they are the jurors." She said
13this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very
14few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, "jury-men" would have done just as well. The twelve
15jurors were all writing very busily on slates. "What are they doing?" Alice whispered to the Gryphon. "They can't have
16anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun." "They're putting down their names," the Gryphon whispered in reply,
17"for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial." "Stupid things!" Alice began in a loud, indignant voice,
18but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, "Silence in the court!" and the King put on his spectacles and
19looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking. Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their
20shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down "stupid things!" on their slates, and she could even make out that one
21of them didn't know how to spell "stupid," and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. "A nice muddle their
22slates'll be in before the trial's over!" thought Alice. One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course,
23Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it
24away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had
25become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and
26this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate. "Herald, read the accusation!" said the King. On this the
27White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:-- "The Queen
28of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite
29away!" "Consider your verdict," the King said to the jury. "Not yet, not yet!" the Rabbit hastily interrupted. "There's
30a great deal to come before that!" "Call the first witness," said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on
31the trumpet, and called out, "First witness!" The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and
32a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg pardon, your Majesty," he began, "for bringing these in: but I hadn't
33quite finished my tea when I was sent for." "You ought to have finished," said the King. "When did you begin?" The
34Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. "Fourteenth of
35March, I think it was," he said. "Fifteenth," said the March Hare. "Sixteenth," added the Dormouse. "Write that down,"
36the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
37reduced the answer to shillings and pence. "Take off your hat," the King said to the Hatter. "It isn't mine," said the
38Hatter. "Stolen!" the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact. "I keep them to
39sell," the Hatter added as an explanation; "I've none of my own. I'm a hatter." Here the Queen put on her spectacles,
40and began staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. "Give your evidence," said the King; "and don't be
41nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot." This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
42from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup
43instead of the bread-and-butter. Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal
44until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and
45leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her. "I wish
46you wouldn't squeeze so," said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. "I can hardly breathe." "I can't help it,"
47said Alice very meekly: "I'm growing." "You've no right to grow here," said the Dormouse. "Don't talk nonsense," said
48Alice more boldly: "you know you're growing too." "Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace," said the Dormouse: "not in
49that ridiculous fashion." And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court. All this time the
50Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the
51officers of the court, "Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!" on which the wretched Hatter trembled so,
52that he shook both his shoes off. "Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, "or I'll have you executed, whether
53you're nervous or not." "I'm a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, "--and I hadn't begun my
54tea--not above a week or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--" "The
55twinkling of the what?" said the King. "It began with the tea," the Hatter replied. "Of course twinkling begins with a
56T!" said the King sharply. "Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!" "I'm a poor man," the Hatter went on, "and most things
57twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--" "I didn't!" the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. "You did!"
58said the Hatter. "I deny it!" said the March Hare. "He denies it," said the King: "leave out that part." "Well, at any
59rate, the Dormouse said--" the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse
60denied nothing, being fast asleep. "After that," continued the Hatter, "I cut some more bread-and-butter--" "But what
61did the Dormouse say?" one of the jury asked. "That I can't remember," said the Hatter. "You must remember," remarked
62the King, "or I'll have you executed." The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on
63one knee. "I'm a poor man, your Majesty," he began. "You're a very poor speaker," said the King. Here one of the
64guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will
65just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this
66they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.) "I'm glad I've seen that done," thought Alice. "I've so
67often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts at applause, which was immediately
68suppressed by the officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant till now." "If that's all you know about
69it, you may stand down," continued the King. "I can't go no lower," said the Hatter: "I'm on the floor, as it is."
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