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1It was not in Miss Crawford's power to talk Fanny into any real forgetfulness of what had passed. When the evening was
2over, she went to bed full of it, her nerves still agitated by the shock of such an attack from her cousin Tom, so
3public and so persevered in, and her spirits sinking under her aunt's unkind reflection and reproach. To be called into
4notice in such a manner, to hear that it was but the prelude to something so infinitely worse, to be told that she must
5do what was so impossible as to act; and then to have the charge of obstinacy and ingratitude follow it, enforced with
6such a hint at the dependence of her situation, had been too distressing at the time to make the remembrance when she
7was alone much less so, especially with the superadded dread of what the morrow might produce in continuation of the
8subject. Miss Crawford had protected her only for the time; and if she were applied to again among themselves with all
9the authoritative urgency that Tom and Maria were capable of, and Edmund perhaps away, what should she do? She fell
10asleep before she could answer the question, and found it quite as puzzling when she awoke the next morning. The little
11white attic, which had continued her sleeping-room ever since her first entering the family, proving incompetent to
12suggest any reply, she had recourse, as soon as she was dressed, to another apartment more spacious and more meet for
13walking about in and thinking, and of which she had now for some time been almost equally mistress. It had been their
14school-room; so called till the Miss Bertrams would not allow it to be called so any longer, and inhabited as such to a
15later period. There Miss Lee had lived, and there they had read and written, and talked and laughed, till within the
16last three years, when she had quitted them. The room had then become useless, and for some time was quite deserted,
17except by Fanny, when she visited her plants, or wanted one of the books, which she was still glad to keep there, from
18the deficiency of space and accommodation in her little chamber above: but gradually, as her value for the comforts of
19it increased, she had added to her possessions, and spent more of her time there; and having nothing to oppose her, had
20so naturally and so artlessly worked herself into it, that it was now generally admitted to be hers. The East room, as
21it had been called ever since Maria Bertram was sixteen, was now considered Fanny's, almost as decidedly as the white
22attic: the smallness of the one making the use of the other so evidently reasonable that the Miss Bertrams, with every
23superiority in their own apartments which their own sense of superiority could demand, were entirely approving it; and
24Mrs. Norris, having stipulated for there never being a fire in it on Fanny's account, was tolerably resigned to her
25having the use of what nobody else wanted, though the terms in which she sometimes spoke of the indulgence seemed to
26imply that it was the best room in the house. The aspect was so favourable that even without a fire it was habitable in
27many an early spring and late autumn morning to such a willing mind as Fanny's; and while there was a gleam of sunshine
28she hoped not to be driven from it entirely, even when winter came. The comfort of it in her hours of leisure was
29extreme. She could go there after anything unpleasant below, and find immediate consolation in some pursuit, or some
30train of thought at hand. Her plants, her books--of which she had been a collector from the first hour of her commanding
31a shilling--her writing-desk, and her works of charity and ingenuity, were all within her reach; or if indisposed for
32employment, if nothing but musing would do, she could scarcely see an object in that room which had not an interesting
33remembrance connected with it. Everything was a friend, or bore her thoughts to a friend; and though there had been
34sometimes much of suffering to her; though her motives had often been misunderstood, her feelings disregarded, and her
35comprehension undervalued; though she had known the pains of tyranny, of ridicule, and neglect, yet almost every
36recurrence of either had led to something consolatory: her aunt Bertram had spoken for her, or Miss Lee had been
37encouraging, or, what was yet more frequent or more dear, Edmund had been her champion and her friend: he had supported
38her cause or explained her meaning, he had told her not to cry, or had given her some proof of affection which made her
39tears delightful; and the whole was now so blended together, so harmonised by distance, that every former affliction had
40its charm. The room was most dear to her, and she would not have changed its furniture for the handsomest in the house,
41though what had been originally plain had suffered all the ill-usage of children; and its greatest elegancies and
42ornaments were a faded footstool of Julia's work, too ill done for the drawing-room, three transparencies, made in a
43rage for transparencies, for the three lower panes of one window, where Tintern Abbey held its station between a cave in
44Italy and a moonlight lake in Cumberland, a collection of family profiles, thought unworthy of being anywhere else, over
45the mantelpiece, and by their side, and pinned against the wall, a small sketch of a ship sent four years ago from the
46Mediterranean by William, with H.M.S. Antwerp at the bottom, in letters as tall as the mainmast. To this nest of
47comforts Fanny now walked down to try its influence on an agitated, doubting spirit, to see if by looking at Edmund's
48profile she could catch any of his counsel, or by giving air to her geraniums she might inhale a breeze of mental
49strength herself. But she had more than fears of her own perseverance to remove: she had begun to feel undecided as to
50what she ought to do; and as she walked round the room her doubts were increasing. Was she right in refusing what was so
51warmly asked, so strongly wished for--what might be so essential to a scheme on which some of those to whom she owed the
52greatest complaisance had set their hearts? Was it not ill-nature, selfishness, and a fear of exposing herself? And
53would Edmund's judgment, would his persuasion of Sir Thomas's disapprobation of the whole, be enough to justify her in a
54determined denial in spite of all the rest? It would be so horrible to her to act that she was inclined to suspect the
55truth and purity of her own scruples; and as she looked around her, the claims of her cousins to being obliged were
56strengthened by the sight of present upon present that she had received from them. The table between the windows was
57covered with work-boxes and netting-boxes which had been given her at different times, principally by Tom; and she grew
58bewildered as to the amount of the debt which all these kind remembrances produced. A tap at the door roused her in the
59midst of this attempt to find her way to her duty, and her gentle "Come in" was answered by the appearance of one,
60before whom all her doubts were wont to be laid. Her eyes brightened at the sight of Edmund. "Can I speak with you,
61Fanny, for a few minutes?" said he. "Yes, certainly." "I want to consult. I want your opinion." "My opinion!" she cried,
62shrinking from such a compliment, highly as it gratified her. "Yes, your advice and opinion. I do not know what to do.
63This acting scheme gets worse and worse, you see. They have chosen almost as bad a play as they could, and now, to
64complete the business, are going to ask the help of a young man very slightly known to any of us. This is the end of all
65the privacy and propriety which was talked about at first. I know no harm of Charles Maddox; but the excessive intimacy
66which must spring from his being admitted among us in this manner is highly objectionable, the more than intimacy--the
67familiarity. I cannot think of it with any patience; and it does appear to me an evil of such magnitude as must, if
68possible, be prevented. Do not you see it in the same light?" "Yes; but what can be done? Your brother is so
69determined." "There is but one thing to be done, Fanny. I must take Anhalt myself. I am well aware that nothing else
70will quiet Tom." Fanny could not answer him.
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