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1Fanny, meanwhile, speaking only when she could not help it, was very earnestly trying to understand what Mr. and Miss
2Crawford were at. There was everything in the world against their being serious but his words and manner. Everything
3natural, probable, reasonable, was against it; all their habits and ways of thinking, and all her own demerits. How
4could she have excited serious attachment in a man who had seen so many, and been admired by so many, and flirted with
5so many, infinitely her superiors; who seemed so little open to serious impressions, even where pains had been taken to
6please him; who thought so slightly, so carelessly, so unfeelingly on all such points; who was everything to everybody,
7and seemed to find no one essential to him? And farther, how could it be supposed that his sister, with all her high and
8worldly notions of matrimony, would be forwarding anything of a serious nature in such a quarter? Nothing could be more
9unnatural in either. Fanny was ashamed of her own doubts. Everything might be possible rather than serious attachment,
10or serious approbation of it toward her. She had quite convinced herself of this before Sir Thomas and Mr. Crawford
11joined them. The difficulty was in maintaining the conviction quite so absolutely after Mr. Crawford was in the room;
12for once or twice a look seemed forced on her which she did not know how to class among the common meaning; in any other
13man, at least, she would have said that it meant something very earnest, very pointed. But she still tried to believe it
14no more than what he might often have expressed towards her cousins and fifty other women. She thought he was wishing to
15speak to her unheard by the rest. She fancied he was trying for it the whole evening at intervals, whenever Sir Thomas
16was out of the room, or at all engaged with Mrs. Norris, and she carefully refused him every opportunity. At last--it
17seemed an at last to Fanny's nervousness, though not remarkably late--he began to talk of going away; but the comfort of
18the sound was impaired by his turning to her the next moment, and saying, "Have you nothing to send to Mary? No answer
19to her note? She will be disappointed if she receives nothing from you. Pray write to her, if it be only a line." "Oh
20yes! certainly," cried Fanny, rising in haste, the haste of embarrassment and of wanting to get away--"I will write
21directly." She went accordingly to the table, where she was in the habit of writing for her aunt, and prepared her
22materials without knowing what in the world to say. She had read Miss Crawford's note only once, and how to reply to
23anything so imperfectly understood was most distressing. Quite unpractised in such sort of note-writing, had there been
24time for scruples and fears as to style she would have felt them in abundance: but something must be instantly written;
25and with only one decided feeling, that of wishing not to appear to think anything really intended, she wrote thus, in
26great trembling both of spirits and hand-- "I am very much obliged to you, my dear Miss Crawford, for your kind
27congratulations, as far as they relate to my dearest William. The rest of your note I know means nothing; but I am so
28unequal to anything of the sort, that I hope you will excuse my begging you to take no farther notice. I have seen too
29much of Mr. Crawford not to understand his manners; if he understood me as well, he would, I dare say, behave
30differently. I do not know what I write, but it would be a great favour of you never to mention the subject again. With
31thanks for the honour of your note, I remain, dear Miss Crawford, &c., &c." The conclusion was scarcely intelligible
32from increasing fright, for she found that Mr. Crawford, under pretence of receiving the note, was coming towards her.
33"You cannot think I mean to hurry you," said he, in an undervoice, perceiving the amazing trepidation with which she
34made up the note, "you cannot think I have any such object. Do not hurry yourself, I entreat." "Oh! I thank you; I have
35quite done, just done; it will be ready in a moment; I am very much obliged to you; if you will be so good as to give
36that to Miss Crawford." The note was held out, and must be taken; and as she instantly and with averted eyes walked
37towards the fireplace, where sat the others, he had nothing to do but to go in good earnest. Fanny thought she had never
38known a day of greater agitation, both of pain and pleasure; but happily the pleasure was not of a sort to die with the
39day; for every day would restore the knowledge of William's advancement, whereas the pain, she hoped, would return no
40more. She had no doubt that her note must appear excessively ill-written, that the language would disgrace a child, for
41her distress had allowed no arrangement; but at least it would assure them both of her being neither imposed on nor
42gratified by Mr. Crawford's attentions.
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