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1My first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the golden age either; it comprised an irksome struggle with
2difficulties in habituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear of failure in these points harassed me
3worse than the physical hardships of my lot; though these were no trifles. During January, February, and part of March,
4the deep snows, and, after their melting, the almost impassable roads, prevented our stirring beyond the garden walls,
5except to go to church; but within these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air. Our clothing was
6insufficient to protect us from the severe cold: we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes and melted there: our
7ungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains, as were our feet: I remember well the distracting irritation I
8endured from this cause every evening, when my feet inflamed; and the torture of thrusting the swelled, raw, and stiff
9toes into my shoes in the morning. Then the scanty supply of food was distressing: with the keen appetites of growing
10children, we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a delicate invalid. From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an
11abuse, which pressed hardly on the younger pupils: whenever the famished great girls had an opportunity, they would coax
12or menace the little ones out of their portion. Many a time I have shared between two claimants the precious morsel of
13brown bread distributed at tea-time; and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have
14swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me by the exigency of hunger. Sundays were
15dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walk two miles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated. We set
16out cold, we arrived at church colder: during the morning service we became almost paralysed. It was too far to return
17to dinner, and an allowance of cold meat and bread, in the same penurious proportion observed in our ordinary meals, was
18served round between the services. At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed and hilly road, where
19the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range of snowy summits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces. I can
20remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along our drooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind
21fluttered, gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept and example, to keep up our spirits, and march
22forward, as she said, "like stalwart soldiers." The other teachers, poor things, were generally themselves too much
23dejected to attempt the task of cheering others. How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when we got
24back! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: each hearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a
25double row of great girls, and behind them the younger children crouched in groups, wrapping their starved arms in their
26pinafores. A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double ration of bread--a whole, instead of a half,
27slice--with the delicious addition of a thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treat to which we all looked
28forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generally contrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself; but the
29remainder I was invariably obliged to part with. The Sunday evening was spent in repeating, by heart, the Church
30Catechism, and the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of St. Matthew; and in listening to a long sermon, read by Miss
31Miller, whose irrepressible yawns attested her weariness. A frequent interlude of these performances was the enactment
32of the part of Eutychus by some half-dozen of little girls, who, overpowered with sleep, would fall down, if not out of
33the third loft, yet off the fourth form, and be taken up half dead. The remedy was, to thrust them forward into the
34centre of the schoolroom, and oblige them to stand there till the sermon was finished. Sometimes their feet failed them,
35and they sank together in a heap; they were then propped up with the monitors' high stools. I have not yet alluded to
36the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; and indeed that gentleman was from home during the greater part of the first month after
37my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with his friend the archdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need not say
38that I had my own reasons for dreading his coming: but come he did at last. One afternoon (I had then been three weeks
39at Lowood), as I was sitting with a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division, my eyes, raised in
40abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figure just passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline;
41and when, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included, rose en masse, it was not necessary for me to look up in
42order to ascertain whose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measured the schoolroom, and presently beside Miss
43Temple, who herself had risen, stood the same black column which had frowned on me so ominously from the hearthrug of
44Gateshead. I now glanced sideways at this piece of architecture. Yes, I was right: it was Mr. Brocklehurst, buttoned up
45in a surtout, and looking longer, narrower, and more rigid than ever. I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this
46apparition; too well I remembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about my disposition, &c.; the promise pledged
47by Mr. Brocklehurst to apprise Miss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All along I had been dreading the
48fulfilment of this promise,--I had been looking out daily for the "Coming Man," whose information respecting my past
49life and conversation was to brand me as a bad child for ever: now there he was. He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was
50speaking low in her ear: I did not doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and I watched her eye with painful
51anxiety, expecting every moment to see its dark orb turn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. I listened too; and
52as I happened to be seated quite at the top of the room, I caught most of what he said: its import relieved me from
53immediate apprehension. "I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do; it struck me that it would be
54just of the quality for the calico chemises, and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell Miss Smith that I forgot to
55make a memorandum of the darning needles, but she shall have some papers sent in next week; and she is not, on any
56account, to give out more than one at a time to each pupil: if they have more, they are apt to be careless and lose
57them. And, O ma'am! I wish the woollen stockings were better looked to!--when I was here last, I went into the
58kitchen-garden and examined the clothes drying on the line; there was a quantity of black hose in a very bad state of
59repair: from the size of the holes in them I was sure they had not been well mended from time to time." He paused. "Your
60directions shall be attended to, sir," said Miss Temple. "And, ma'am," he continued, "the laundress tells me some of the
61girls have two clean tuckers in the week: it is too much; the rules limit them to one." "I think I can explain that
62circumstance, sir. Agnes and Catherine Johnstone were invited to take tea with some friends at Lowton last Thursday, and
63I gave them leave to put on clean tuckers for the occasion." Mr. Brocklehurst nodded. "Well, for once it may pass; but
64please not to let the circumstance occur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me; I find, in settling
65accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch, consisting of bread and cheese, has twice been served out to the girls
66during the past fortnight. How is this? I looked over the regulations, and I find no such meal as lunch mentioned. Who
67introduced this innovation? and by what authority?" "I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir," replied Miss
68Temple: "the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils could not possibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to
69remain fasting till dinner-time."
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