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1By-and-by, when we got up, we turned over the truck the gang had stole off of the wreck, and found boots, and blankets,
2and clothes, and all sorts of other things, and a lot of books, and a spyglass, and three boxes of seegars. We hadn't
3ever been this rich before in neither of our lives. The seegars was prime. We laid off all the afternoon in the woods
4talking, and me reading the books, and having a general good time. I told Jim all about what happened inside the wreck
5and at the ferry-boat, and I said these kinds of things was adventures; but he said he didn't want no more adventures.
6He said that when I went in the texas and he crawled back to get on the raft and found her gone, he nearly died; because
7he judged it was all up with him, anyway it could be fixed; for if he didn't get saved he would get drownded; and if he
8did get saved, whoever saved him would send him back home so as to get the reward, and then Miss Watson would sell him
9South, sure. Well, he was right; he was most always right; he had an uncommon level head, for a nigger. I read
10considerable to Jim about kings and dukes and earls and such, and how gaudy they dressed, and how much style they put
11on, and called each other your majesty, and your grace, and your lordship, and so on, 'stead of mister; and Jim's eyes
12bugged out, and he was interested. He says: "I didn' know dey was so many un um. I hain't hearn 'bout none un um,
13skasely, but ole King Sollermun, onless you counts dem kings dat's in a pack er k'yards. How much do a king git?" "Get?"
14I says; "why, they get a thousand dollars a month if they want it; they can have just as much as they want; everything
15belongs to them." "Ain' dat gay? En what dey got to do, Huck?" "They don't do nothing! Why, how you talk! They just set
16around." "No; is dat so?" "Of course it is. They just set around--except, maybe, when there's a war; then they go to the
17war. But other times they just lazy around; or go hawking--just hawking and sp-- Sh!--d' you hear a noise?" We skipped
18out and looked; but it warn't nothing but the flutter of a steamboat's wheel away down, coming around the point; so we
19come back. "Yes," says I, "and other times, when things is dull, they fuss with the parlyment; and if everybody don't go
20just so he whacks their heads off. But mostly they hang round the harem." "Roun' de which?" "Harem." "What's de harem?"
21"The place where he keeps his wives. Don't you know about the harem? Solomon had one; he had about a million wives."
22"Why, yes, dat's so; I--I'd done forgot it. A harem's a bo'd'n-house, I reck'n. Mos' likely dey has rackety times in de
23nussery. En I reck'n de wives quarrels considable; en dat 'crease de racket. Yit dey say Sollermun de wises' man dat
24ever live'. I doan' take no stock in dat. Bekase why: would a wise man want to live in de mids' er sich a blim-blammin'
25all de time? No--'deed he wouldn't. A wise man 'ud take en buil' a biler-factry; en den he could shet down de
26biler-factry when he want to res'." "Well, but he was the wisest man, anyway; because the widow she told me so, her own
27self." "I doan k'yer what de widder say, he warn't no wise man nuther. He had some er de dad-fetchedes' ways I ever see.
28Does you know 'bout dat chile dat he 'uz gwyne to chop in two?" "Yes, the widow told me all about it." "Well, den! Warn'
29dat de beatenes' notion in de worl'? You jes' take en look at it a minute. Dah's de stump, dah--dat's one er de women;
30heah's you--dat's de yuther one; I's Sollermun; en dish yer dollar bill's de chile. Bofe un you claims it. What does I
31do? Does I shin aroun' mongs' de neighbors en fine out which un you de bill do b'long to, en han' it over to de right
32one, all safe en soun', de way dat anybody dat had any gumption would? No; I take en whack de bill in two, en give half
33un it to you, en de yuther half to de yuther woman. Dat's de way Sollermun was gwyne to do wid de chile. Now I want to
34ast you: what's de use er dat half a bill?--can't buy noth'n wid it. En what use is a half a chile? I wouldn' give a
35dern for a million un um." "But hang it, Jim, you've clean missed the point--blame it, you've missed it a thousand
36mile." "Who? Me? Go 'long. Doan' talk to me 'bout yo' pints. I reck'n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain' no sense
37in sich doin's as dat. De 'spute warn't 'bout a half a chile, de 'spute was 'bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he
38kin settle a 'spute 'bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan' know enough to come in out'n de rain. Doan' talk to me
39'bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back." "But I tell you you don't get the point." "Blame de point! I reck'n I
40knows what I knows. En mine you, de real pint is down furder--it's down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised.
41You take a man dat's got on'y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o' chillen? No, he ain't; he can't
42'ford it. He know how to value 'em. But you take a man dat's got 'bout five million chillen runnin' roun' de house, en
43it's diffunt. He as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey's plenty mo'. A chile er two, mo' er less, warn't no
44consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!" I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn't no
45getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings,
46and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his
47little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there.
48"Po' little chap." "But some says he got out and got away, and come to America." "Dat's good! But he'll be pooty
49lonesome--dey ain' no kings here, is dey, Huck?" "No." "Den he cain't git no situation. What he gwyne to do?" "Well, I
50don't know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French." "Why, Huck, doan' de
51French people talk de same way we does?" "No, Jim; you couldn't understand a word they said--not a single word." "Well,
52now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?" "I don't know; but it's so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. S'pose a
53man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy--what would you think?" "I wouldn' think nuff'n; I'd take en bust him
54over de head--dat is, if he warn't white. I wouldn't 'low no nigger to call me dat." "Shucks, it ain't calling you
55anything. It's only saying, do you know how to talk French?" "Well, den, why couldn't he say it?" "Why, he is a-saying
56it. That's a Frenchman's way of saying it." "Well, it's a blame ridicklous way, en I doan' want to hear no mo' 'bout it.
57Dey ain' no sense in it." "Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?" "No, a cat don't." "Well, does a cow?" "No, a
58cow don't, nuther." "Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?" "No, dey don't." "It's natural and right for
59'em to talk different from each other, ain't it?" "'Course." "And ain't it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk
60different from us?" "Why, mos' sholy it is." "Well, then, why ain't it natural and right for a Frenchman to talk
61different from us? You answer me that." "Is a cat a man, Huck?" "No." "Well, den, dey ain't no sense in a cat talkin'
62like a man. Is a cow a man?--er is a cow a cat?" "No, she ain't either of them." "Well, den, she ain't got no business
63to talk like either one er the yuther of 'em. Is a Frenchman a man?" "Yes." "Well, den! Dad blame it, why doan' he talk
64like a man? You answer me dat!" I see it warn't no use wasting words--you can't learn a nigger to argue. So I quit.
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