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1Well, when they was all gone the king he asks Mary Jane how they was off for spare rooms, and she said she had one spare
2room, which would do for Uncle William, and she'd give her own room to Uncle Harvey, which was a little bigger, and she
3would turn into the room with her sisters and sleep on a cot; and up garret was a little cubby, with a pallet in it. The
4king said the cubby would do for his valley--meaning me. So Mary Jane took us up, and she showed them their rooms, which
5was plain but nice. She said she'd have her frocks and a lot of other traps took out of her room if they was in Uncle
6Harvey's way, but he said they warn't. The frocks was hung along the wall, and before them was a curtain made out of
7calico that hung down to the floor. There was an old hair trunk in one corner, and a guitar-box in another, and all
8sorts of little knickknacks and jimcracks around, like girls brisken up a room with. The king said it was all the more
9homely and more pleasanter for these fixings, and so don't disturb them. The duke's room was pretty small, but plenty
10good enough, and so was my cubby. That night they had a big supper, and all them men and women was there, and I stood
11behind the king and the duke's chairs and waited on them, and the niggers waited on the rest. Mary Jane she set at the
12head of the table, with Susan alongside of her, and said how bad the biscuits was, and how mean the preserves was, and
13how ornery and tough the fried chickens was--and all that kind of rot, the way women always do for to force out
14compliments; and the people all knowed everything was tiptop, and said so--said "How do you get biscuits to brown so
15nice?" and "Where, for the land's sake, did you get these amaz'n pickles?" and all that kind of humbug talky-talk, just
16the way people always does at a supper, you know. And when it was all done me and the hare-lip had supper in the kitchen
17off of the leavings, whilst the others was helping the niggers clean up the things. The hare-lip she got to pumping me
18about England, and blest if I didn't think the ice was getting mighty thin sometimes. She says: "Did you ever see the
19king?" "Who? William Fourth? Well, I bet I have--he goes to our church." I knowed he was dead years ago, but I never let
20on. So when I says he goes to our church, she says: "What--regular?" "Yes--regular. His pew's right over opposite
21ourn--on t'other side the pulpit." "I thought he lived in London?" "Well, he does. Where would he live?" "But I thought
22you lived in Sheffield?" I see I was up a stump. I had to let on to get choked with a chicken bone, so as to get time to
23think how to get down again. Then I says: "I mean he goes to our church regular when he's in Sheffield. That's only in
24the summer time, when he comes there to take the sea baths." "Why, how you talk--Sheffield ain't on the sea." "Well, who
25said it was?" "Why, you did." "I didn't nuther." "You did!" "I didn't." "You did." "I never said nothing of the kind."
26"Well, what did you say, then?" "Said he come to take the sea baths--that's what I said." "Well, then, how's he going to
27take the sea baths if it ain't on the sea?" "Looky here," I says; "did you ever see any Congress-water?" "Yes." "Well,
28did you have to go to Congress to get it?" "Why, no." "Well, neither does William Fourth have to go to the sea to get a
29sea bath." "How does he get it, then?" "Gets it the way people down here gets Congress-water--in barrels. There in the
30palace at Sheffield they've got furnaces, and he wants his water hot. They can't bile that amount of water away off
31there at the sea. They haven't got no conveniences for it." "Oh, I see, now. You might a said that in the first place
32and saved time." When she said that I see I was out of the woods again, and so I was comfortable and glad. Next, she
33says: "Do you go to church, too?" "Yes--regular." "Where do you set?" "Why, in our pew." "Whose pew?" "Why, ourn--your
34Uncle Harvey's." "His'n? What does he want with a pew?" "Wants it to set in. What did you reckon he wanted with it?"
35"Why, I thought he'd be in the pulpit." Rot him, I forgot he was a preacher. I see I was up a stump again, so I played
36another chicken bone and got another think. Then I says: "Blame it, do you suppose there ain't but one preacher to a
37church?" "Why, what do they want with more?" "What!--to preach before a king? I never did see such a girl as you. They
38don't have no less than seventeen." "Seventeen! My land! Why, I wouldn't set out such a string as that, not if I never
39got to glory. It must take 'em a week." "Shucks, they don't all of 'em preach the same day--only one of 'em." "Well,
40then, what does the rest of 'em do?" "Oh, nothing much. Loll around, pass the plate--and one thing or another. But
41mainly they don't do nothing." "Well, then, what are they for?" "Why, they're for style. Don't you know nothing?" "Well,
42I don't want to know no such foolishness as that. How is servants treated in England? Do they treat 'em better 'n we
43treat our niggers?" "No! A servant ain't nobody there. They treat them worse than dogs." "Don't they give 'em holidays,
44the way we do, Christmas and New Year's week, and Fourth of July?" "Oh, just listen! A body could tell you hain't ever
45been to England by that. Why, Hare-l--why, Joanna, they never see a holiday from year's end to year's end; never go to
46the circus, nor theater, nor nigger shows, nor nowheres." "Nor church?" "Nor church." "But you always went to church."
47Well, I was gone up again. I forgot I was the old man's servant. But next minute I whirled in on a kind of an
48explanation how a valley was different from a common servant and had to go to church whether he wanted to or not, and
49set with the family, on account of its being the law. But I didn't do it pretty good, and when I got done I see she
50warn't satisfied. She says: "Honest injun, now, hain't you been telling me a lot of lies?" "Honest injun," says I. "None
51of it at all?" "None of it at all. Not a lie in it," says I. "Lay your hand on this book and say it." I see it warn't
52nothing but a dictionary, so I laid my hand on it and said it. So then she looked a little better satisfied, and says:
53"Well, then, I'll believe some of it; but I hope to gracious if I'll believe the rest." "What is it you won't believe,
54Joe?" says Mary Jane, stepping in with Susan behind her. "It ain't right nor kind for you to talk so to him, and him a
55stranger and so far from his people. How would you like to be treated so?" "That's always your way, Maim--always sailing
56in to help somebody before they're hurt. I hain't done nothing to him. He's told some stretchers, I reckon, and I said I
57wouldn't swallow it all; and that's every bit and grain I did say. I reckon he can stand a little thing like that, can't
58he?" "I don't care whether 'twas little or whether 'twas big; he's here in our house and a stranger, and it wasn't good
59of you to say it. If you was in his place it would make you feel ashamed; and so you oughtn't to say a thing to another
60person that will make them feel ashamed." "Why, Mam, he said--" "It don't make no difference what he said--that ain't
61the thing. The thing is for you to treat him kind, and not be saying things to make him remember he ain't in his own
62country and amongst his own folks." I says to myself, this is a girl that I'm letting that old reptile rob her of her
63money! Then Susan she waltzed in; and if you'll believe me, she did give Hare-lip hark from the tomb! Says I to myself,
64and this is another one that I'm letting him rob her of her money!
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